"i did the LL quiz and quality time beat out physical touch by one point. i need both."
Most women are a mix of "some". Most men are just one. It has to do with the way men and women are programmed. There are rare cases where it is reversed but.. not very often.
Be careful with the LL thing for you. Your "stitch" can color it some. LL's are a gauge to give you a starting point.
"when i look back, i misread h's display of affection. h bought me a lot of stuff. very often, i would tell him that i didn't need all that stuff. i kept drilling into him that i didn't need material things to make me happy. he would continue to buy me nice things but it made me feel like he thought the only way to impress me was with expensive gifts - ie. like i was a high maintenance gold digger. and here i am shouting at the top of my lungs that i'm not a gold digger and i didn't marry him for his money!"
But men are told that this is what women want.. even if they say they don't. Some men think that if women are saying "I don't need this".. it means the want more of it. Typically someone who is a "gifts" person does not buy expensive things. The "gifts" are usually more heartfelt.. and sincere.
"it almost feels like he's db-ing on me."
"i saw him the other day and he didn't look upbeat or cheery. he looked kind of down."
Yea.. he is not DB'ing. That I am sure of. 100%. On the .00001% chance he is DB'ing.. he is failing miserably.
"and i was so tempted to ask him what was wrong? then just tear into him with "why the long face? shouldn't you be happy you got me out of your life? shouldn't you just be overjoyed that you got rid of this mistake of a marriage?" but i didn't. showed a lot of restraint."
I bet if you asked him about that "interaction".. he would say it was "more of the same". The prevailing thought thru that statement was you "digging" back at him. I would bet money he saw it to. This is what you have to "hide".. or stop.
"they do understand his LL. they buy him stuff all the time. i saw it as him being materialistic. in chapman's book, it says that it's not necessarily true."
If you don't know what to do.. you go with what you know. Sound familiar?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
