Actually I may have written it wrong but it was not his daughter who saw him jump but one of his friends.
I always worried about my ex and his depression. He attempted suicide several times during our marriage. His father had also attempted it. I always worried about him but as Ellie says about her ex - they're not so depressed when they're with OP. Mind you - I think my ex's new R is beginning to ravel and the kids are worried about him.
Buffet - your info is very timely and helpful. Thanks. She has been under extreme financial distress since he refused to give her $ when he left (and he could well afford to). I was under the understanding that it did pay out after a couple of years - just as you say. They DID renew their mortgage a year ago so it might not be valid but he does have many policies at work. I will pass on the info you gave me - I'm grateful for it.
Wow - I wrote it wrong again. I'm just SO tired. It was his daughter's friend who saw him jump. There - I got it right that time.
Karen - the photos and slide show were wonderful. They all held up pretty well and the lineup outside the door lasted the entire visitation. I went early so that was good.
The funeral is tommorrow. I will be there with Ashley and several friends.
Funny, as much depression as there is in the WASs, you'd think this would happen on the boards - but I don't remember a case. I DO remember one woman whose WAH was shot to death, probably by the OWs guy.
Ellie: I think so too. I know that my ex tried it a few times but in so many of the cases - they are with OP when they leave so not depressed in the same way.
One of my dear DB friends from the beginning had her H break up with his OW at about the 2 year mark. She then took her own life. That was pretty creepy.
I ran in to a cop friend last night who knew about it. He also went through a marital breakup at the 25 year mark (same as my friend and also me). He told me that in cases like this - it IS purposeful. They jump to "Stick it" to the soon to be ex. I know I have thought that for sure in this case. He did not want to pay her support despite his huge salary. But to kill himself?
Oh I will be glad when the funeral is over. It is this morning. My daughter, and several of my friends will be attending with me. It will be hard for all.
You know, it's NEVER purposeful. Depression is a serious disease, one that makes it's sufferers so miserable that death seems like a better alternative. Whether they have angry or bitter thoughts at the end or not, it's really never a rational choice. (Unless maybe someone has a terminal illness).
And who knows? He may have thought his ex and kids would be better off without him, and that his insurance would be worth more to them.
I can tell you when I was going through the suicidal thoughts, that I was pissed off when the Dr. asked me how I had planned to hurt myself. Hurt myself?! I wasn't crazy, I didn't want to hurt myself - I just wanted the pain to stop! That is how bad the pain is. And I had half-talked myself into thinking that my ex was a good father and that the kids would be ok, not suffering through the divorce and how it was destroying me - everyone would be better off if I was just gone.
Barb, so sorry that your friend is having to go through this.....what a very sad thing. I am surprised that more WAS's don't look in the mirror one day, realize exactly what they have done, and not be able to bear it.
I know and it is horrible to think that someone was in that much pain. It is really hard to get past all the mean things he did to his wife while he was with OW, though. Cutting her off financially when she had no job? Telling her he was leaving her in a Post It note? Calling the girls on their cel phones to say he was leaving?
Last week was totally financial. He did NOT want to pay her support. Yet he made a ton of money and they'd been in the same house for 20 plus years. He had paid on their LOC last week. Signed a temporary support agreement last week. He just did not want to see a lot of his paycheck going to her yet it was him who insisted she quit her good job 10 years ago to help get the kids off to school in the morning and to stay home and keep a perfect house. He wanted a Stepford wife.
The funeral was lovely. If you can believe it - his mother and his oldest daughter delivered the Eulogies and his daughter (who is an aspiring singer/songwriter sang 3 of his favourite songs. His mom talked about depression from a personal perspective and it all really helped.
His lawyer was away last week on vacation. Maybe he could have convinced him that he wasn't ruined financially. He came at the very end of visitation. He told her that he didn't even know they'd been apart a year or that he had been living with an OW. Steve was just too embarrassed to tell him I guess. That is the kind of perfectionist he was. At any rate - he did reassure my friend that she will be ok financially. He was appalled that she had not received support up until now.
So many missing pieces in this puzzle. I hope she finds the strength to carry on. It will be incredibly difficult. She has struggled so much in the past and fortunately - she has let some of us help her. We will have to be there for her now more than ever.
It is all so exhausting.
Donna - I'm sorry that this must bring up a lot of bad stuff for you. It does for me as well - remembering all the times Chuck (my ex) tried it. The horror I felt each time I went to the E.R. and the worry he would try it all again.
There are some things we just can't fully understand.
