His addiction to spending is not from MLC he has been like that since I met him 32 yrs. ago. trying to fill a void with material things and relationships. Never getting in touch with himself. He always needed some distraction from feeling his true feelings.
You know as I was writing the bit about your husband being spend-crazy I thought to myself that your only comment about my post would be to correct me—saying he’d always been that way.
Yeah, I know he’d always been that way. My point is that most of the people on here have spouses who are being spend crazy—the difference is it is a change in their spouses. You are crying your victim’s song to the choir. We know.
And that comment was focused on your husband…that is the march of your refrain.
A lot of the people posting to want to reconcile with their spouses some day. Friends and family don’t get Standing; we’ve heard their confusion and frustration to us
give up
you deserve better
why would you want him anyway
he doesn’t deserve you
you are in a bad marriage
face it, it’s over
your husband is a bad person
there is something wrong with you for wanting him
stop whining
To other friends: We don’t talk to her anymore, all she does is complain about her cheating husband. She is sick.
I guess with you we are getting a taste of that side of it. It’s not about your husband; this is about you. People don’t tire of their Standing friends so easily if the Stander is being active rather than passively complaining about their lousy life. If your friends—and count the people here in that group—see that you are moving beyond doing nothing other than feeling sorry for yourself, they will be able to withstand some complains and vents. We all get angry, sad, frustrated and we come here to vent, it’s okay to do that, we understand. But venting and a pity party are not the same things.
Several people here are concerned that Rysmom’s counselor may not be a good counselor.
Rysmom has said that she is a marriage and family therapist and came highly recommended. Without speaking to the counselor herself, that is enough for me. She may be brilliant. Though yes, there may be a problem with the fit, but I think the problem is the client. The counselor is ineffective not because of her inabilities but because of Rysmom’s unwillingness to be proactive in her own recovery.
Now that said, I do want to give you a pat on the back Rysmom. You are seeing a psychologist, MD and showing a willingness to ask about medications so that you can find something that will be more consistent. And the reason you gave for taking your medication intermittently seemed logical to me. It helped me to understand why you have not taken it each day. Talk to your Dr and Psychologist and consider asking for a referral to a Psychiatrist. When you discover something that works, you will feel better and we will also notice a difference. We are cheering for you.
