Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

This morning W, the kids, and I were listening to the radio while driving her to work, and S asked W if she was single, and she said no. I don't know why he asked now, but it was strange to hear this from her with her having an A. It makes me wonder what M and single mean to her. Do they have the same meaning? I don't know what she thinks sometimes. She tells me we are single because she no longer is in love with me, but when the kids ask, she is not single. Freightening to think what is going through her mind!

[idontunderstand]

We are not dealing with rational people, LSG. Don't you know that by now? ;-} Just kidding, I know you do. I get the same thing from my W as I've said before. The kids will ask why the super calls and txts all the time and she accuses me of telling them about him. She knows it's not true, I have not and never would bring the kids into this. It is she who is getting them involved and she doesn't see it or, more likely, doesn't want to see it.

Frightening to think what is going through her mind!

Amen!

[LSG]

idontunderstand,

You had me going there for a moment. It is great that you have a good sense humor with what you are experiencing in your M. Keep that always!

You are so correct with what you have said. What do you say when the kids ask you those sorts of questions. It is hard to answer them sometimes. The WAS are in the fog with the rationale that they have. I am so glad that it is not me that is in their place. I am happy to be me and wake up knowing that I don't have to live in a fantasy land.

Keep your integrity and the humor you have. It will help you to deal with the emotional stress you have in a positive way.

[Onthemountaintop]

I tell the kids the truth, but as little as needed. I also make sure to ask them if they have questions.

I've read it is best to do this with both spouses present so a blame war doesn't ensue.

Did you ask your W if she's willing to let go of the OM for a few months and see if the two of you can be salvaged into a happy M? The longer an affair runs, the deeper the love goes.

[LSG]

OTMT,

I did not ask her anything because really has changed, and I already asked before to let the OM go for a few months, and she did not. I do not see this time being any different. I hope you are wrong about the "longer an affair runs, the deeper the love goes," but you could be right.

I guess I will find out someday.

Thanks for the response.

[Steve McQueen]

I don't know what she thinks sometimes. She tells me we are single because she no longer is in love with me

When is this guy going to get a job.
That is what is going through her mind.

How many resumes a day are you sending out?
Have you considered going back to school?
Are you prepared financially in case she does move out and you do get divorced?

[LSG]

Hi Steve,

First, does a job justify an A? No. Second, if a woman was staying home would you be even be asking this question? No. Third, do you know what she has said and done regarding me finding a job? No. Fourth, is it easy to get a job for anyone now? No. You really don't have any idea the reason I am in this situation I am in without a job. I did explain this a little in my thread already.

Do you know she always found fault with the jobs that I was interested in. They either did not make enough, were not prestigous enough, and generally they were not what she thought I should pursue. Did I make a mistake in listening to her. You bet!!! I am so tired of hearing that the job is my reason for the A. I have been a dam good father and husband to her. So what, I do not have a job, but it is because I let her control my decisions. This is no longer happening, and it will never again.

I do not intend to answer this question in too much detail or be made to feel guilty for the decisions I made (we made) together. Now I am paying for it. I will not make that mistake again.

I do not feel I need to answer how many resumes I have sent out, or if I have considered going back to school, or if I am financially prepared for a D.

I have tried to be respectful of you and what you have to say to me. But I have not seen that respect from you to me.

I know I am going to be criticized for this post to you. I understand that, and I guess I will have to suffer the consequences.

Believe it or not, I know I need a job more than you or anyone. I have let my experience become a negative on my resume to support her career and decisions for what I should do.

I do have a very good education by the way.

I have said enough. I have been so worried about what everyone would think here if I responded this way because I am here to have help for myself and my marriage. I do not want to turn anyone off who could really help me to do that.

I am sorry if I offended you! That is not my intention, but I needed to respond to your post as directly as possible.

I do appreciate you posting to me because I know you have so good ideas that could work to help me and have already. For that, I really thank you!

[DaddyLongShanks]

OTMT,

I did not ask her anything because really has changed, and I already asked before to let the OM go for a few months, and she did not. I do not see this time being any different. I hope you are wrong about the "longer an affair runs, the deeper the love goes," but you could be right.

I guess I will find out someday.

Thanks for the response.

LSG,

In simplest terms - "she is approaching him", and at the same time "she is leaving you". Simple mathematics. You can steer it back, but their has to be a lack of "the other end", and it helps if it stings the spouse.

[LSG]

You can steer it back, but their has to be a lack of "the other end", and it helps if it stings the spouse.

DLS-What do you mean in this sentence?

[DaddyLongShanks]

If OM dumped her on her ass so hard she got dizzy, she would likely turn back towards you.

Obviously right now she is strengthening her resolve towards the OM. The committment to you is lessening. The committment to him is growing.

Did the OMW reveal to the OM yet? I don't remember if that happened yet.