Suggesting to your divorcing spouse to stop a self imposed cavity search though a helpful perceptive comment leads to ire.. as you well know.
However... we seem to share some common behavior in our relationships with departing spouses. It's all about them, meeting their needs, shouldering the responsibility for the children because we are all about family. We were well trained. I never would have broken up a family, period. Though now that I am freed from the bondage, I find that most of it's the same. Oops.. and that I'd been raising the kids mostly on my own the entire time. Only I'm no longer feeling like crap and I recognize the manipulations and bullying to the point where it's almost comical.
Divorce means two households. It means two separate schedules. It means that each party is responsible for 'their' time. It doesn't mean the other spouse jumps in to fix it. To accommodate the whims of the other parent.
A simple call to see how your son is doing spirals into plans changing like jumping beans on acid playing hopscotch.
She can't miss two days out of work. Okay. But finding appropriate care for your son gives you right of first refusal but does not mandate you changing plans, period.
It's like the former spouse gallivanting in Europe and saying he doesn't have time to sign and notarize papers as important for him as it is for me. Hello, if it was business he'd be all over it like flies on... flypaper.
So, it comes down to priorities. And she's still wheedling you. Pushing your buttons, tweaking you to jump, change your plans while insulting you and your lawyer to the point where you're dumped.
My advice, ask your estranged lawyer for the best individual he'd recommend for a case like yours. Just because she is and has lawyer buddies, doesn't make her almighty and powerful.
And your lawyer is a wuss puss, too. She is an adulterous, conniving, selfish, manipulative woman who's not afraid to play dirty and use every trick in the book to undermine you and your legal representative. You're all about strategy, making things happen. You're smart, creative and a warrior. Use it.
She IS your adversary.
As my sister told me as I sat waiting for the final settlement the day of the divorce. Take the focus off the children. Treat it as a business proposition, cut and dry. Get the best possible deal and walk away.
The love and devotion you have to your beautiful children is heartwarming. But don't let her use them as emotional pawns because it is plain wrong on so many levels. And as harsh as it sounds, it works against you and the kids when you agree to this type of splattering guilt and whirling dervish frenzy.
