NM, this all sort of fell into place. But I do know one thing... havent cried hysterically in weeks... since my last rant post that I gave up! I was truly giving up!!! I swear!!! I wanted to sign the papers to end the misery and instead this all came about... I pushed my H away a lot in the past few months, and didnt want him to have any parts of anything, because he left. He would mentio he wanted to take part and I always said its all or nothing! Told him plenty of times me and baby were a package deal. And so he backed off. About 3 weeks ago, or even a month ago, he began asking if he could help, or come to appointments, and so on. I said a lot of NO's. He kept pressing, and I gave in with something small, and made sure i was comfortable with it. That grew into more get togethers and conversations... its kind of strange bc this past week, we seem to be talking all day througout the day. H comes to the house to do some de-cluttering in preparation for the baby. he is starting to mention some things about our M, like remember this... Today we went to get car maintenanced... he drove me back home.
I find that we are laughing, and being playful with conversation almost flirtatious... i think. But we seems to be getting a lot of decisions made. Im not really sure what is happening to be honest. It feels nice. I keep my expectations low and about baby only. Ok, I lied! I actually said something about our R to H and said i just dont get how you are 100% confident with your decision about us (in a nice cute tone)... shockingly he said, Im not confident with my decision at all, just dont want to talk about it. I was so taken back, that i didnt question it, didnt ask what he meant...
I have been letting H contact me first... its cute. He seems to find strange reasons to call or text, and only some of it is about baby. A lot of it is just to chat... almost like he doesn have a reason to call, so he just calls to see what i am up to.
Sometimes i think maybe he is just trying to feel things out to see if we can somehow get along... maybe as friends just to start.
I read a lot of peicing sites and read up on a lot of the vet's posts and many of them believe that reconciling begins with friendship... wouldnt that be nice if that happened for my sitch
But in all honestly I am putting myself first. Right now it's all about ME!
