screwing up big time and need help

[elvencat]

Hi, NM. Thanks for the reassurance on the EA.. I know that is what it is, even though he has continued to deny it. And you're right, it can happen to anyone with or without the mental disorder. My IC told me I need to start realizing that I'm blaming all kinds of things for the choices my H has made, rather than realizing he still had to make the choices himself. I understand mentally, but not yet emotionally and it's hard.

Sleeping arrangments: change daily. Sometimes we share a bed (with and without touching), sometimes he sleeps on the couch. He's having a lot of joint pain among other things and we're working toward a possible diag. of Lupus, which is impacting matters greatly. So, when he is hurting so badly, I have a hard time knowing what I should do and how much sympathy and support he's willing to accept from me, and what I should be willing to give him.

I know now after reading other posts, and re-reading my own, I should set a clear boundary for behavior, but I am struggling with how and what kind and so on. I probably won't be moved into the house for a few more weeks yet, so do I let it go till then, or do I make a big deal about it now?