screwing up big time and need help

[elvencat]

I've noticed that this board tends to be kind of a blog of sorts for some, so I think I'll keep updating and then I can re-read and see where my attitudes and actions are getting me.

So tonight my H went to his friends' house. His friends, not mine, and in fact they encouraged him to leave me and were mad at him for staying last fall. I snooped last fall, and felt bad about it, but he wasn't telling me anything and I wanted to know.

Usually I complain to him that he is gone 3-4 nights a week and is on the computer the other nights and generally do all the pursuing I shouldn't be doing. So, today I did my own thing. Enjoyed our D, watched some tv, played with the pets, and spent time on the internet. H is used to me talking to him and trying to spend time with him until he goes out. I did none of that. Even when he asked me to (which he did), I explained I had stuff I'd planned to do while still being as pleasant as I could. If he talked to me, I'd joke back with him, but didn't try to keep things going. He seemed rather put out when he left.

So, is this how it starts? Tomorrow, I want to go out and do something, but I haven't figured out what yet. I just know I need to do something on my own.