You have NO control over anything in his MLC, you only have control over YOU.
You are so far within his drama, that you don't know which end is up...and I feel for you, because at one time, I was just like you.
It took me three months post-bomb to get what I had to do, and that was focus on ME...I could NOT do ANYTHING for him.
I had to learn to detach from his drama, the more I argued with him, the worse it all got, and I nearly lost him over it.
He had to be let go to go through, and HOPEFULLY come back to me.
They not only leave in a physical way, but in a emotional way as well.
There is NO guarantees in this, only what you can do for YOU during this time.
This is an emotional battle within your husband, and you CANNOT do anything to fix it..you didn't break it...it is all about him.
You've got to detach before you go absolutely crazy trying to figure this out, and there's NO figuring to it...nothing you can do.
I KNOW how you feel; I KNOW the sleepless nights, I KNOW the feeling that the rug's been yanked from under you.
But until I "got it"...I suffered, just as you're suffering now.
There are NO time limits on this, no guarantees that when/if he comes out that he will be the same person you knew.
Life as you knew it, is finished, with, hopefully a better one waiting for later on, when this madness is done; regardless of how it all goes.
Whether your marriage makes it or not, you've got to do what's best for YOU, learn to look within, and prepare to grow through this trial.
You can't deal with him in a rational way, it's NOT possible; this IS MLC.
So, you detach, owning your part of what went wrong in your marriage/life, again, growing through this trial.
When he put you on a path of your own making, he made it about YOU.
There are NO typical MLCs, each one is different, and each one has its quirks, bumps in the road, and obstacles.
Read the resources, ask questions, hopefully, it will click for you. The longer you're stuck within his drama, the less time you have for YOU.
It all takes TIME to complete; if it ever does.
It's hard, I know, I've been there.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
