I am aiming to be the best person I can be mostly for me... then baby... and hopefull H will notice it on his own. But I cant change or want to be better for H bc he may never come around and then I would just go back to being sad and depressed. I am really trying to be positive and look forward to the baby coming. Maybe it is easier bc i know that H will be here. I do have to say, having his support is really comforting and helpful. Babies are a huge responsibility and i have the most amazing family that would move in with me and do anything to help, but i want it to come from H. I never really told him that now that I am thinking about it. But when he started to show interest and now says he is taking part no matter what, i realize that darn it... it is his responsibility too!
I didnt like the person I was becoming when I would scream and cry or ignore him or make decisions to disinclude him out of spite. I felt like i was changing who i was and didnt like me anymore. I especially hated knowing that I hurt him back by using hurtful words, didnt like that he would retract. i am not about to become a monster bc of what is happening.
