I had a great day today. Church, D10 sang in the children's choir, and S16 was confirmed today. I cried, I was so happy and proud of him. X was attending, which I'm glad of to show his support for S16. The Pastor gave a sermon on fathers not being there for their family and going off just doing their self-involved thing, and how they need to be head of the family and the spiritual head of the family. That many divorces don't have to happen, and then he said but sometimes there are times when people don't have a choice and have to divorce, and it's for the best, and looked towards me. I was thinking this is weird, but the friends I was sitting with, one whispered he's preaching to your X. It did seem like that...but the pastor writes them in the middle of the week, but maybe he added a few extra comments for the benefit of X. I think I would be surprised if X ever came back. Last time he was there, for something of S16's he was pretty much ostracized. Actually the reason I go there is the people are such warm, loving people, but not towards him though. One of my friends, said she was going to say hi and kill him with kindness, but he left in a hurry.
A part of me felt a little bad for X. But I guess if you live a certain kind of life, many sermons would be uncomfortable for you. So I guess consequences, which is a good thing.
We went out with S16's elder, she took us out to lunch, with her family, and it was wonderful. I'm still stuffed, and so were the kids. Then we went shopping a little, and went out and enjoyed the backyard. It was an absolutely beautiful day. One thing about the D is I so appreciate the time I have with the kids and treasure it more than when I used to take it for granted.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful and happy Mother's Day!!!
Happy Mothers Day, Karen. I am glad your day has gone well -- you deserve the best.
I was also thinking I just love your pastor and church. You have a good one there. Yes, his sermon was a universal message, one that is all too important and relevant in today's world -- and thus one from which everyone can take away something valuable for thought.
And yes, there are many who would feel the words point to their own hang-ups a bit too closely for comfort. I say that the words of the sermon do not convict these people but their own guilt does. Each of us knows, deep down, when we have transgressed.
If your ex decides to avoid your church after this -- i.e, he chooses to now scurry off into the darkness away from the light he feels to be revealing his sins before all -- then he will allow his aversion to a guilty conscience lead him further astray and to forgo the path to real growth. He would thus run away from who he has become and hide from his iniquities. Rather than learning from his mistakes, he will be all the more the loser.
It would be sad, but not at all surprising, should he run away.
It would also not be surprising if he were to heighten his attacks on you, Karen, as a means to divert attention away from himself. He's been doing this already, and I see no reason he wouldn't continue to do so.
I was kind of expecting things to get worse, but no X hasn't sent any of his usual nasty emails. And for example, I lost the child support/alimony check he gave me this weekend! He stuck it in my car (didn't see him) when I dropped off the kids Saturday and then I stuck it in my purse Sunday at church when I noticed it. I took D10 to get glasses yesterday and it must have fallen out sometime during the afternoon (we also went shopping and to lunch). I emailed X about this and he didn't send a nasty email. I was telling a friend about this, kind of in shock, and he said he probably wants something. So about 3pm X emails me he'll reissue the check to me if I talk to him about a couple things. I emailed back sure, you can call me here until 5. He emails, no I want to meet in person. I emailed back why can't we discuss via email or phone? He never replied.
As you know the last 2 times I saw him, when the kids weren't there he yelled at me so want to try to avoid this.
My thinking is that since the D is over, and my timing of firing my L, maybe he wants to discuss me having the kids more than 50% of the time? I've always thought he was mostly interested in the money by the way he increased his parenting time just prior to the D hearing. Plus, I'm betting they are discussing marriage, and OW really wants the kids around as little as possible. They don't talk about her at all, but I know that S16 doesn't like her, and I don't think she likes him (always gifting D10 but never him even for Christmas last year). And the less time the kids are around her the better!
Well back to nasty email today from the X. He's saying I refuse to coparent b/c I won't sit down and talk to him in person. He filled the email with lies about how I wouldn't let the kids go to public school (where are they now?) and other crud. And if I keep refusing to coparent, he's going to take me to court to get primary custody.
I just ignore that and emailed back that the last 2 or 3 times (probably more than that) I've seen him without the kids, he's been angry and yelled at me, and b/c of that I prefer email or phone. The X needs SERIOUS long-term counseling....I didn't email the last part, just thinking it...
Home today with D10-she's got the flu and threw up today. Enjoying being with her though I do wish she was healthy too...
Just kidding!