Well there are lot of people that have spending issues...but if they have the money...well, not much you can do...my H didn't have the money and yet charged like there was no tomorrow (maybe he didn't think there was...but there is)
Rysmom...taking AD's for today is not enough...until you get through this crisis you need them daily...maybe you need a different kind then the one you have for this?
My sister is OCD, has suffered from depression, codependancy, anxiety, and phobias of all kinds, so I know how it can be...but I also know that when she got the RIGHT help she did much better and continues to do better...going through the change of life when you have these problems can bring on major issues which is why I also suggested you see a doctor for a complete physical.
My sister's illness drove us all away for a while...we could not handle her refusal to get help and be consitant...it was only when she did get it right that things improved...and that applied in her relationship as well.
I suspect your OCD, depression, anxiety, and codependancy have a lot to do with your husband's exit...not that that makes it right...but you bear responsibility in seeking and keeping treatment going to remain stable...otherwise you reap what you sow...his escaping from you
As for his problems...he has to see the need to treat...he obviously quit drinking for a reason...not unusual to replace with something else either...he may or may not have been abused and at that young of an age he may never really know...so you may never know either...
Workaholic goes with spendaholic...also goes with escaping a home that is not a peaceful haven!!!!???? See the connection?
The healthy boundries might be an issue of his...or it could be a distorted view from a person who is OCD, depressed, and anxious...
I would say most people want to be accepted...that is not unhealthy...giving gifts is not necessarily unhealthy or wrong either...I give gifts to my employees...male and female...and my dad was the biggest flirt ever, especially with waitresses...he married one, my mom...but she never got too excited over his flirtations because he did in front of her...that is just who he is...and it may be just who your H is and you may need to suck it up and accept it...after all you have been down this road for a long time, no point in trying to change the spots on a leapord to stripes and make him a tiger now!!! It ain't gonna happen
Seriously...you need to put him aside...you are in no shape to look at his faults when you are dealing with you own...and you MUST deal with your own or you will ruin your son, not your H leaving...I know how destructive these illnesses can be...and falling back on they "run in the family" is no excuse to not actively seek treatment for them...because they run in my family too...the ones who took action are a joy to be around, the ones who didn't ended up being isolated and a lone...which do you want to be???
Focus on you or you will absolutely succeed in ending your marriage for good (and that might happen anyway, you can't control him) and possibly being hospitalized in a mental institution...reading your post is crazy...you are spiraling...quickly spiraling and speeding up in that spiral...
Forget about H...he is out of the house and out of the picture right now...think of you and your son and get this together for both of your sakes!!!
