Well, I have to say everyone, I feel like my mojo is back.
It's family night, every Tuesday we do something with the whole family, including DSS20 if he is around... anyway, went to the store to get some adult beverages and H just sat there in my car crossing his arms and physically putting off the vibes of "I'm as closed off from you as possible." LOL, I'm smiling as I write this... I just felt like - HA! I got your number, buddy. I just felt that it was intentional and I am starting to feel that when he feels close to me or in danger of being close, he physically closes himself off to maintain the distance.
I know this is not a game, but I just feel like right now, I'm having a bit of fun. I know he's in pain and I will not lose sight of that, but it's just become funny to me. When I walk in the room, you can feel him pull away - and this is the big thing... it's not getting to me. I feel like I'm GETTING IT and it's not a "oh, no, I'm going to die" moment... it's not "he's in control and I feel like less than nothing" or anything similar...
It's a "I'm in charge of myself and I'm feeling good about myself" kind of feeling.
From this distance, from way up here, I am able to observe H and see what he's doing and why he's doing it... and NOW I am in a great place to WIN this game of life... to not only detach and become a great person but to also be ready to rebuild this M one day.
