(((Mystik))) Hang on in there. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain at the moment.
The hamster wheel is a tempting and self fulfilling place, but you CAN jump off it.
Did you think about getting some anti-Ds?
I hear you on the wedding ring thing - that bites me hard every day too. And I still seem to shop for 2 at the supermarket and then have to throw it all away when it rots.
Be better than him. He IS messed up. You CAN be sane and sorted. For your child you must be. You will probably never understand his reasons, so don't waste your energy on them.
And fog is fine. Eventually autopilot allows you to do other things rather than watch the dials to make sure the plane isn't going to fall out of the sky.
Let's start with that mental image. First you need to get off the floor and into a chair. Later we'll do the kick ass make over.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.