The C was through the church. There's only so much WE can do. She has to be the one to put in the effort. Especially since we don't live by her. She has to be the one to make the first step UP and not down.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
That is what I mean...I know so many people who suffer with depression and they find it so much easier to stay glued to a computer with "friends" they can talk to...instead of going out and getting a life...
Not that a spiritual counselor can't help but I do think that this case may require more specialized professional training and possibly medications...
I agree with her possibly needing some medication. And there is no shame in that. I realized 3 weeks after my husband abandoned me that I needed something. I had become a crazy woman so filled with anxiety that I couldn't even stand myself! I went to the doctor, started taking the medication and I started seeing changes in myself in about a week. I had a much clearer head and I wasn't so angry at the world, especially my husband.
Now, that doesn't mean I was instantly cured...it just helps to take the edge off. I started reading a lot of books, did some phone counseling with a person at my church, and eventually went for a few sessions with a professional counselor. I've got a long way to go in this MLC journey, but thank God I am not where I was months ago!
The one thing I realized for myself was that I needed help. And just like the person with MLC, until you realize that for yourself, people can give you all sorts of advice, but you won't accept it until you're ready. I think that's what rysmom is. So, since we all can't be there for her personally, the only thing we can do now is pray for her. I'm praying she will get some real help. I agree the counselor she has now is not helping her. I'm not sure what kind of counselor she is seeing, but perhaps they aren't educated in MLC and depression. If she can't afford to go see someone professional, she could look into what her health insurance will pay for. Most policies give a limited number of mental health visits. I took advantage of my husband's EAP program at work. It gave me 8 free visits with a therapist. She needs to take these steps. I think we've done everything we can for her.
His addiction to spending is not from MLC he has been like that since I met him 32 yrs. ago. trying to fill a void with material things and relationships. Never getting in touch with himself. He always needed some distraction from feeling his true feelings.
i took anti depressant today and felt better. I am going to a psychologist tomorrow to talk about abandonment, depression, and codependency issues. I have gone for counseling for the past 10 yrs. for ocd, dep., and anxiety, but it didn't help much. This problem runs in my family.
h had a drinking problem 15 yrs ago. he quit drinking but replaced it with other addictions. His parents adopted him when he was 2 and I think he may have been abused by biological parents in some way, and is still running away from it.
h is a workaholic, spendaholic, and over eats. never had healthy boundaries with woman, to friendly and would give gifts. always had a unhealthy need to be accepted.
Well there are lot of people that have spending issues...but if they have the money...well, not much you can do...my H didn't have the money and yet charged like there was no tomorrow (maybe he didn't think there was...but there is)
Rysmom...taking AD's for today is not enough...until you get through this crisis you need them daily...maybe you need a different kind then the one you have for this?
My sister is OCD, has suffered from depression, codependancy, anxiety, and phobias of all kinds, so I know how it can be...but I also know that when she got the RIGHT help she did much better and continues to do better...going through the change of life when you have these problems can bring on major issues which is why I also suggested you see a doctor for a complete physical.
My sister's illness drove us all away for a while...we could not handle her refusal to get help and be consitant...it was only when she did get it right that things improved...and that applied in her relationship as well.
I suspect your OCD, depression, anxiety, and codependancy have a lot to do with your husband's exit...not that that makes it right...but you bear responsibility in seeking and keeping treatment going to remain stable...otherwise you reap what you sow...his escaping from you
As for his problems...he has to see the need to treat...he obviously quit drinking for a reason...not unusual to replace with something else either...he may or may not have been abused and at that young of an age he may never really know...so you may never know either...
Workaholic goes with spendaholic...also goes with escaping a home that is not a peaceful haven!!!!???? See the connection?
The healthy boundries might be an issue of his...or it could be a distorted view from a person who is OCD, depressed, and anxious...
I would say most people want to be accepted...that is not unhealthy...giving gifts is not necessarily unhealthy or wrong either...I give gifts to my employees...male and female...and my dad was the biggest flirt ever, especially with waitresses...he married one, my mom...but she never got too excited over his flirtations because he did in front of her...that is just who he is...and it may be just who your H is and you may need to suck it up and accept it...after all you have been down this road for a long time, no point in trying to change the spots on a leapord to stripes and make him a tiger now!!! It ain't gonna happen
Seriously...you need to put him aside...you are in no shape to look at his faults when you are dealing with you own...and you MUST deal with your own or you will ruin your son, not your H leaving...I know how destructive these illnesses can be...and falling back on they "run in the family" is no excuse to not actively seek treatment for them...because they run in my family too...the ones who took action are a joy to be around, the ones who didn't ended up being isolated and a lone...which do you want to be???
Focus on you or you will absolutely succeed in ending your marriage for good (and that might happen anyway, you can't control him) and possibly being hospitalized in a mental institution...reading your post is crazy...you are spiraling...quickly spiraling and speeding up in that spiral...
Forget about H...he is out of the house and out of the picture right now...think of you and your son and get this together for both of your sakes!!!
I told my c today that h is going to go buy another motorcyle. she said "that is crazy he has no money saved for your son's college and he is doing that." She said you better go to your attorney about the financial agreement. She said he is being very emotionally abusive to me. I dont think this is mlc he has always live for the moment and not considered the consequences. She is a very good c. She said dont call him or do any work for him, focus on you and your son. She is also a guidance counselor at a high school. She has her masters in m and family counseling and came very highly recommended.
I am also seeing my medical dr. and have had a physical. I am in the process of finding a dr. to test for hormones, because I know this is an issue. I have been to one dr. for it but she said hormones were normal but I know they are off. I wasn't ever the same hormonally after my son was born by c-section, which is major surgery and can definately effect hormones, dr. said. me-50 yrs old
