Future, if you dont mind me asking... how far did your dating go with the other girl? I think you mentioned not long ago that you were dating someone? Did your wife find out about it?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
In 15,000 posts here, I've noticed that there is NOTHING as powerful as these two things:
1) The left-behind spouse suddenly DATING (or giving the appearance of dating, or being willing to date);
2) Legal fear.
WORDS TO THE WISE:
It is best NOT to draw any serious conclusions, nor make any potential life-altering DECISIONS, based on a wayward spouse's demeanor toward you while they are under the duress of either -- or BOTH -- of these two things.
I agree, which is why I need to curb those fears in order to know what's really going on, if I care. She was obviously very motivated to determine my dating situation. I tried to ride a line between bleeding off some of her fear, but still leaving enough mystery and question to not take it off the table entirely.
As for the legal stuff, I'm still pondering what to do there. I will not give up my custody. Period. If I maintain that hard line, I don't know if it leaves any path other than through court. The kids have lived for 16 months with our current arrangement. They are adjusted, pretty happy, and doing well in school. I can't imagine a court will roll the dice and change that, so maybe I should force her hand. Last night she did seem like she just wanted me to throw her a bone to give her an excuse to put off the court date and save face.
I don't in any way feel like I thought I would when faced with this situation. I'm pretty happy in my life, and reconciling would mean a lot of changes. Our M is deeply wounded, and even if we can manage to heal it, the scar will be permanent.
She was obviously very motivated to determine my dating situation. I tried to ride a line between bleeding off some of her fear, but still leaving enough mystery and question to not take it off the table entirely.
Future, if you dont mind me asking... how far did your dating go with the other girl? I think you mentioned not long ago that you were dating someone? Did your wife find out about it?
I don't mind at all. I've dated a few women over the last few months, none of them seriously. Just going out to have fun. My W knows nothing about them, because I never talk about it to her or anyone in her circle. She could detect a sea change in my behavior around her, and that perked her ears up as to what I was doing. I think little things caught her attention over the last few months, like:
* Me asking her to keep the kids at her place one Saturday night * Me texting her at 1am on a night I didn't have the kids, telling her the kids' backpacks were on the front porch for her to pick up, because I wouldn't be home in the morning * The kids telling her about new people they were meeting while they were with me, including women (I've never exposed the kids to anyone I was dating, just friends) * Me standing up to her, allowing her to get angry, and then NOT trying to smooth things over * Me generally seeming happy and just fine with my life, even though I was not talking to her at all
If you're familiar with my sitch, you might remember her getting jealous over the mother of the teenage girl I am hiring to watch the kids this summer. She is a friend of mine, but we aren't dating. I have never mentioned her in any way to my W, but my W has casually mentioned her name in conversations several times recently, watching for a reaction from me. Funny stuff, seeing her not-so-subtle attempts at digging for info.
In 15,000 posts here, I've noticed that there is NOTHING as powerful as these two things:
1) The left-behind spouse suddenly DATING (or giving the appearance of dating, or being willing to date);
2) Legal fear.
WORDS TO THE WISE:
It is best NOT to draw any serious conclusions, nor make any potential life-altering DECISIONS, based on a wayward spouse's demeanor toward you while they are under the duress of either -- or BOTH -- of these two things.
Puppy
Puppy, from what I know about your sitch, wasn't it when you decided to start dating that your W finally turned around, in a significant way?
