Lost, confused and fighting for my marriage

[TomLost Love]

Just read thru your thread - yes - I know the I love you but I'm not in love with you speech all too well. For me - it all came out of her last Sept/Oct 09 and we're now seperated, and things have not improved between us. We are cordial, get along, see each other since I'm there at the house as often as I can to be with my D11, but never any talk about us. I know that it seems like a long time - and for everyone I'm sure it is a different timescale and outcome until there's a resolution, but I've learned in these months that I can't change her, only me, and the best way I save our marriage is to give her the time and space she needs while doing my 180 and moving on with my life. It is NOT easy, and it often feels like its worthless to have hope and faith - but you find a way to push thru each day and keep it alive, at least I do.

You have a spark or two of hope it seems - my W wouldn't do counseling, therapy, or even talk about options. My sitch has other factors obviously, but, it hust like hell not to be given any chance to work on the relationship. My W wants to date, and I'm sure she will if she hasn't started already. If she and I are to have a chance - I know I've got to let go and see if her "happiness" is out there. She may find it without me, and if so, then its what was meant to be. I still have hope that at some point, and I know it may be awhile, we will have a chance again together.

All I can tell you is to hang tough and find strength - I too have read self help books, been to support groups, talked with friends, and researched all I could, talked on this board for awhile, listened to music, etc, all to keep me going and keep my sanity.

Hang in there - even if things look bleak. The sun does rise tomorrow no matter how you feel today. I definitely related to your comment about your marriage and life with him being a big sham - I felt after 25 yrs of marriage that our life together was being neatly discarded with the trash and there was no emotion at all from her about it. I know I have to look past that and just go on.......

So - be strong, hang in there. Let us know what happens.....