There are two schools of thought on this infidelity subforum
Softball/ Little Bo Peep approach
Hardball/ Ghandi approach
Myself I advocate Ghandi... Penny Tuppy, Shirley Glass, Harley, and other family therapists endorse a Ghandi approach... they don't buy this "wait and see" business becuase they recognize infidelity as an impulse control disorder - an addiction.
MWD does not in her DR book address the addictive qualities of infidelity at all. This part is a controversial subject.
Note also that MWD suggests that most affairs die out in six months and under.. Most people on this forum are dealing with affairs that have run much longer than that.. Some for two years or more...
For a "soft affair" that will die out in six months on its own, I would advocate MWD's approach, but I don't find those to be the norm here... By the time a spouse comes here and gets into educating themselves I think hardliner action is in order... I don't consider it a flighty tryst, I consider it an addiction that needs to be confronted head on or it will just get a lot worse
Your DB coach is only going to endorse what MWD endorses... That db coach is trained by MWD and her strategies. I have read many people on here who have tried the softball route, I haven't read a case on here where that actually worked... I have heard some stories about it working, but never read any directly here.. Even if they did, they would be in the minority.
This is a dicy subject, so tread lightly... There are some here who do not advocate exposure, intervention, and confrontation etc.
I myself do, and you will find other "hardliners" on this subforum that advocate the same approach
A strong voice, appeal to public appeal by exposing the transgressions without restraint - No direct action on your part to stop the cheating (don't stand in your partner's way) Do not enable the addiction in any way (cancel all cell phone and internet services you financially support etc)
If your spouse is financially dependent on you, ask them to end their infidelity or exit the premises
While this is more aggressive, it does work (not all the time, but there is significant success with this route) and often it will work faster than the softball route
You have to decide if you want to take a hard stance and act on this infidelity as an addiction, or if you want to recognize it as a flighty tryst that will likely end on its own
You can read Eyeore No MOre's thread here, or Ken's as well (he's active as of today even)... they tried the Wait and See (Bo Peep route) and it got them no where...
Read their stories if you want to a real case study sample of the route your DB coach is directing you to take
