Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wii, that is some great advice right there and kudos to you for handling the situation with your kids so well. It's so hard to know what's the right thing to say or do. I really appreciate your advice...and no I don't think your serious posts are funny- only the funny ones

Alice!! I owe you a bottle of Aleeve you're the best!

DD does need a lot of reassurance from us and that's not as difficult as explaining her 'whys'. She said last night 'daddy, why do you and mommy fight sometimes?'. She said that because that's what STBX has been telling her in response to her why question. I don't think it's the right answer because I don't want DD to grow up thinking that it's OK to run away from her problems. Besides, the occasional arguing about stuff NEVER justifies abondoning your family. I'm sure STBX has a quandry because it's probably the easiest reason for her to give to DD. I don't know how to answer DD's why. So far I've beat around the bush and said stuff like 'mommy just wants to be on her own for a while' then comes another why...

No. Why? Do not go here, please, SR. get away from those old emails- as someone else pointed out, they're agonizing and too triggering right now, and she will not listen to anything there- she will claim she was misguided or insane at the time, or something equally hurtful- it will not get you any satisfaction.

To tell her it was all lies even though at the time they were felt so real and believeable. But you're so right that she'll claim she was mistaken or she was insane. I won't send them.

One is that you realize you need to let go and move on and see the wisdom of doing that. The other is still asking "do I have a chance?". I think - strong opinion w/only caring for you in mind- you need to shift 100% to the first and stop the latter- it's making you crazy. If you still have a chance, as you've pointed out yourself, it will be AFTER this whole thing and probably a ways off. Rather than vassilating about your chances now, you need to devote all your energy to 1) getting through this with your self-esteem intact 2) taking care of DD 3) working on yourself and filling your life up so that you are happy with or without her.

You've read me right, that's what FM has been trying to get through my thick head. I need to let her go and believe me I do and feel determined to just move on many times during the day but I feel weak at times and say stupid stuff like that. It is driving me crazy. I think the issue is I feel that if I don't let her know she won't know how I feel about her and later on it'll be too late. The reality is she already knows how I feel about her, this is her decision afterall. After D if it's too late I will have to remember that she knew all along and by me saying it another way wouldn't have changed her mind. She's not a kid.

When my mind is moving slow I ask Alice and she usually knows. Thanks Alice!