Been reading for a few weeks, and about time to jump in. New to this, so sorry if I don't get all the abbreviations right.
M - 42 W - 31 M - 8 years, together 10.5 years SD - 13 SD - 12 D - 6
Bomb dropped on 3/23. D filed on 5/10 - 90 wait period.
She wants to be on her own and take care of herself and the kids. She has been un-happy for a while and the kids are un-happy. Same story as most. So I did the usual begging, pleading, said I will change, just give us a chance. Of course, when you can tell they mean it, it hits you in the face like ice water, and you actually mean it, although we have done this same thing 3-4 time during our marriage. I wasn't totally blind to this, but it still was surprising that she was ready to talk D, right out of the gate.
Yes, I run Marathon's, and it takes a lot of my time during the training phases, sometimes that I drop the ball on her emotions. I could tell that this was happening during Feb/March. She spent a ton of time by herself in the bedroom watching TV and Movies, very edgy towards each other when we were out together. I even blew up on SD 13 when out to dinner one night for not putting the cell phone down. I looked to her for support, but there was none. It hit me then, that something was amiss, because she always supported me when dealing with the kids. Still, I know that M takes 2, so even though she blames me for wanting D, I'm man enough to realize that it was both, even though she won't admit it.
As for the SK's, its never been a perfect situation. They are very close to their Dad, and I have always just been Mom's husband. I have (and do) love them, and do for them, as my own. She mentioned that she has discussed with the 2 older girls. SD13 who is usually more distant, is now talking about everything to me, and SD12 whom used to talk about everything is being more distant (except when we are driving back from skating or such). D6 is blissfully un-ware. I'm sure she is starting to sense it, as we are not going out as a family, as much, still occassionally.
She wants to try and find a place (with settlement $$) that is very close, so the kids can stay in school. We have had friends that have filed like this, and reconcile before the 90 period was up, and she has mentioned this several times, but I am beginning to think this is just to make me complacent. She will not have any money until the settlement, so her plan is to stay in the house for the 90 and use her money to save for down payment and pay off her car. No OM that I can tell. I was the OM during her 1st M, and she regrets the way it happened (not that she got 1st D.) She has even put up the wedding ring on Craigs, which I detest, but have not said it.
I do want to reconcile, but am not holding my breath at this point. I have not mentioned the R for more than a week, and will keep that up. Currently I am DB'ing, but not sure if going about it right. I am detaching in a big way, ignoring most phone calls and emails/texts. Paying her little to no attention at home, perhaps even a little bit hateful towards her (without saying it). Still running and doing my thing, so getting out of the house is easy. When I am freindly, so is she. When I am distant, she is, but will generally make some small contact (if it benefits her, ie Kids, money, etc). She is still in the bedroom and I am mixed on this. One thing I AM doing that I probably shouldn't is letting her touch me during sleep. She does crave to be touched and held, and sometimes sleeps "far" away and more recently, been trying for snuggle time (not Sex). I've been allowing some (when awake enough to realize) but not allowing her to keep going. We are sexually compataible, so this was never issue, and had S since the bomb, but slacking off. She has been very good a manipulating my emotions, so this Stone Cold approach is easier for me at this point.
Thanks for reading and any suggestions. Sorry if this seems sorta cold, but that is where I'm at now. I do love the W that I married, and somehow lost in this thing called Marriage.
