Completely Blindsided

[blind]

Showered, shaved, and dancing shoes on.

I may feel like dirt, but I refuse to be a victim.

I will become a different man. I will be who be who I want to be!

[blind]

OK, dance class was the right choice.

I had a great night, and a near breakdown... but all in all a great night.

One of the instructors took me to a side and asked me what I wanted to do with my dancing. I told them honestly, and they asked me if I had a partner.

...
...

Yeah, that hit close to the mark.

I carefully and calmly explained my situation, and I was quickly rushed aside to the head instructor.

She liked what she saw in me and quickly started picking out a dance partner from her pool of girls in training wanting an advanced man. It was lovely to feel like the prize student for a while.

I'm home now, mostly happy and exhausted. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow's ego slap... but at least I did the right thing with the evening. It's late now and I may even be able to sleep soon.

[fightingirish]

Blind,

I read through your entire stitch....

this is just my .02 but I would be "unavailable" when she does call. I KNOW how hard that will be for you, but you have to start acting "as if"

Good Luck!

[blind]

Hey Irish,

I'm going to give it a shot... if I can.

She's trying to be later with every call. It's now 15 minutes late.

Not much I can do to detach if she's already running away.

Bugger.

[Lost Rabbit]

Oh you'd be surprised mate! Just the act of you walking away showing disinterest can have interesting effects. Funny I used to do the row, explainng my feelings the whole works if only I knew back then what impact saying nothing and walking away could have! Good luck

[blind]

Well... she didn't call.

She sent an email 20mins after she was supposed to call, claiming that she didn't get home till late, and had work stresses so needed an early night.

Ouch.

I've replied, very brief. She asked what I've been doing, so I gave her a rundown of highlights, shorter email than hers. I didn't insist that she call me next week, just left it open...

God I hope I'm doing the right thing.

[Lost Rabbit]

Sounds just right, personally I probably wouldnt have bothered answering her, but you do have to do what feels right for you!

I know its hard but pursuing doesnt work it only makes them run faster!

[blind]

Well oddly, very bizarrely, I feel a lot better this evening.

Maybe it's because I was dreading the call so much and it didn't happen. Maybe the weekly calls just dredge everything up fresh again... maybe it's because I allowed myself to feel angry about her breaking another promise by not calling... maybe it's because I got my first pay check today and it was a fair bit larger than I was expecting, showing me how much I can afford to do dance wise/car wise...

No idea.

But I'm feeling oddly empowered now. Maybe this is the start of a upward trend? Maybe I can try and claw back some of my self respect?

Maybe I should be careful not to get ahead of myself...

[Lost Rabbit]

That all sounds good! Do things for you, and get out of life what you want for you for the time being!

You probably are right about the anticipation of the phone call etc does drain you, so if youre not expecting things you dont get pulled down again..

Hope you get a better day tomorrow (())

[blind]

Well, I went out dancing again tonight. Went with an old friend to a place I used to work... and it's fallen apart.

I was offered a job within seconds of walking through the door, and maybe this sounds a little too vindictive, but it felt nice to be able to say no to someone for a change, rather than the other way around.

We had a dance and every eye in the place turned to watch us... also nice that I can get the looks... it wasn't just my wife being beautiful that drew everyone's attention.

I'm in danger of falling into the same trap as last week, in that I have NOTHING planned for the weekend. I'm scrambling, but I only know such a small handfull of people.

At least it's not Mother's day again.

I think I'm coming down from the high a little, but at least it's fresh in my mind. I CAN feel good still. I CAN have a good day... I just need to really want it.

Nothing planned tomorrow night... but I've just gotten paid... maybe I'll find a dance class around the place somewhere.

Any suggestions from people on things to try? GAL kicking into gear.

Also, any thoughts on the ink? Do it? Leave it?

Feeling chatty in a house with sleeping parents and work the next morning isn't a great combination... but oh well. Counselor said "allow yourself to feel what you feel". Giving that a try.