She lived in another state so when his money ran out so did his visits...they started online with an EA...all said it lasted not quite a year...
but mainly after I found out it sort of fizzled with OW because she had to face that I was not some non-caring wife...I told her my life story with H...of course she had lied (as instructed by H) about them actually having met in person...but she did cry and tell me she felt guilty...not sure how true that was...
also, I had H do a 3-way call with me silent on the other end when he told her he was breaking it off...of course he didn't want to...this was before I knew about DB'ing...but she was not happy when she found out I was listening in because she said some very personal things to him along with admitting that she truly loved him but would let him go if that is what he wanted.
He did contact her after he was home (but before he loved me again)...she was in another relationship (she pretty much dumped him when she found someone who didn't come with baggage!) and was happy but agreed to email with him but no phone calls...he didn't pursue that...I think he was feeling guilt about having her leave her husband and then not coming to live with her...I think he just needed to know she was okay...
But then mid December this past year, she emailed him! Wanted to know how our son was, our girls, ME, and especially how he was...of course at first he accused me of sending the email, stating she would not have done that...but then he realized it was her...he said he was not going to reply...so, I did!
I was nice...appologized for the really aweful things I said when I found out about her (I could have handled it with much more dignity and I had been regretting that, even though I was totally blind-sided)...told her we were doing very good and that H didn't want to have any contact with her and had shared her email with me because we don't have secrets anymore...and respectfully asked that she leave us in peace and respect our marriage that we were both recommitted to.
To my suprise she responded, appoligized for sending the email but said she was still in a relationship and very happy...but that she knew my H had been pretty sick and was concerned how he was doing...said her current fiance knew all about my H...she said she meant no disrespect by emailing and would respect our wishes and not attempt anymore contact...
And that was that...I am not sure but H might have blocked her...
But, my point is that even though they broke up...H didn't come home for over another year...just proving to me that SHE was not the problem, just a symptom...although busting the A was needed for him to progress through his own issues and for us to have a chance down the road...
Your H's behavior is much like my H would have been...you know once we were going to the movies and I invited him along for S...when our youngest D found out he was going she refused to go and called her grandma to pick her up...even though she knew he wouldn't talk to her...she would not even be in his company at all...and when he came home, she did not speak to him for about a year???...talk about angry and hurt...he had to deal with that as I was not going to get in the middle of that one...
All situations here have similarities and differences...they are truly unpredictable...there are signs you can look for but no guarantees...it really has to do with LOVE...true love that endures ALL things...it never ends...if there is not that kind of love then pretty good chance it won't work...if there is that kind of love then the odds are more in favor...but there are still 2 individuals involved in this...
You have to do what you can live with...and make sure you take care of yourself and the kids...always...the rest takes care of it's self
