I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

James~

for god to make me better so that I will not be a bad person anymore even when I try to be good I mess up I guess

I don't believe this...You ask Him for guidance to be a better person however you won't take the steps necessary to implement it. You want Him to wave a magic wand and fix everything the way you want it, however He doesn't work this way...

It is hard however once I looked at my situation as a gift, then and only then was I able to step back and see the big picture...

Then I was able to move forward for myself and my boys...

Then I was able to be thankful for the gift I was given...A chance to truly see what I was made of...

You are still only focusing on the here and now instead of the big picture...

I told a close friend of mine this morning - "I am trying to no longer beat myself up over being intentionally hurt...Yes what H did/still does takes my breath away, however it is my choice to allow it to knock me down or allow me to grow a little bit with each slap."

That is where you need to be...

You need to accept that this is what is now and either learn and grow from it or allow it to suck your soul right out of you.

You need to understand the choices are all yours.

Choose joy or choose sorrow and then understand with each choice comes either something wonderful or something not so wonderful.

I choose wonderful because I will be damned if I allow another human being to rule my life any longer.



(((((Hugs)))))

No I don't want him to use a magic wand although I wish I had one sometimes.

Yep I would like to be better overnight. I hate being like this. I hate feeling this way. It's annoying frustrating and ticking me off to not understand myself or my actions.

Ill try to do something happy today. It usually do not work but I'm trying to listen to some music and just relax.

maybe when i get antidepressants it will help