"What you are asking for is 'unreasonable' in that all the reasons ('being reasonable') and justifications for not being sexual just aren't good enough."
Maybe you're right about this. See my reply to Tim - I am one of those people who takes comfort from sex, DH is not. As usual, the one who wants it is the one who has to adjust.
"And the question you are dealing with is 'we both have our own series of issues. Is it "fair" that one outweighs the other's?'"
That's a very good question, and there are some things going on in our lives out of bed that feel unfair to me. For instance, his whole attitude about my job. I need the health insurance and the retirement savings and we both need my paycheck - and in this economy, I feel lucky to have a job at all. I deal with disturbed people and a local court system, and sometimes I have to do things that can't wait till the next day. We're down a person in my office, so we're all overworked. Now you get a clearer picture of what I'm dealing with at work.
He, OTOH, has a much less stressful job, closer to where we live, w/ a much bigger paycheck. His first wife was a SAHW (and they didn't even have any kids!! the b*tch just didn't want to work) and ran up huge credit card bills that he's still paying off. That's why we can't have real vacations, etc.
He's persnickety about how clean the apartment is, and does most of the housework. I am not exactly the domestic type and he knew this before we moved in together. I made a point of telling him not to expect much in the way of housework. I work 40, 45, sometimes 50 hours a week in a very stressful job and I'm just not as nit-picky as he is. I know he doesn't like it, but tough titty. Even if I had a less stressful job or didn't work, I still doubt if my housekeeping would be up to his standards. I don't think I'm a slob, I'm just not as fussy as he is.
And, he wants me to come home on time from work, but then when I am home in the evenings, he spends half the time in the other room in front of his computer and the other half in front of the TV set. Why do I have to be home, if he doesn't want to do anything *with* me?
