the moment you stand up for yourself and let people know you won't be treated poorly is so empowering and loving to yourself.
wish i had known this before. i actually got the opposite advice from someone. i was told to be nice to her, buy her gifts, and smile when she shovels sh*t in my mouth.
nobody told me to stand up for myself. and when she came to help my h pack to move, she took cheap shots at me and i stood there and just took it.
i don't think i ever cried so much in my life. i'm a big girl who could stand up for herself and i had to fight the urge to stand up for myself but i didn't want to come off as trying to pick a fight.
i was told not to stand up for myself because i needed to win her approval of me again. standing up for myself would be viewed as being rude to his mother and it would validate h's reasons for d-ing me. he was already defending her and saying that i was disrespecting his mother - even when i wasn't. people say worse things to their mils and i wasn't remotely rude .. yet, she exaggerated things and they blamed me for things that i didn't do.
i never felt so defeated. i'm usually a strong person and i don't like to be pushed around. but i decided that if i had nothing good to say, to say nothing at all.
i saw h last night. he looked at me and mumbled a 'hey'. i looked at him and didn't reply. i just got in the elevator and went on my way. he didn't look happy. in my mind, i just keep thinking .. you wanted this. you wanted me out of your life. you want to erase this mistake of a marriage, right? why even acknowledge this gold digger of a b*tch that you think i am? you should be thrilled to have gotten rid of me. YOU WANTED IT THIS WAY.
btw, that kitchen gadget isn't cheap. it costs around $120 and i can't justify buying such an expensive gift for someone who called me a gold digger and felt it was a mistake to marry me.
i bought him things even when we were separated but still living in the same house. and sometimes he would buy things too. but it came in waves. whenever he spoke to his parents, they would discuss his legal issues and i think they would constantly drill into his head on how disappointed they were in him for not making me sign a pre-nup. a lot of things that came out of his mouth were things that his parents said to him. when he wasn't under the influence of his parents, he was a really nice guy.
sorry for rambling. it's my time to look back on how i got to this point. look at myself and what mistakes i made. i tend to drop tidbits of things that happened and my post may seem like i'm just babbling.
