robx.. When your W is at home with you, how would u suggest we act around them? I know in my sitch I walk around with a chip on my shoulders.. I am trying not too, but its been tough..
For the most part, I honestly do my own thing. I don't ignore her, I'm not a prick. I don't treat her like the queen of england, if she stays over for supper with me and the kids, she's expected to help out with preparing supper and the cleanup involved afterwards, I don't need her to do everything by herself, I'm there in the kitchen taking care of business at the same time, but it's not like she's some guest that I only see twice a year and I do appreciate the help and I let her know and thank her afterwards, that's just the right thing to do, and something you would do with anyone else so why not her as well. That's one thing I noticed that we never did before, we never said "thank you", we never let the other person know we appreciated the assistance but if some stranger or another friend had helped, you would have been polite and thanked them. It should be that way between spouses as well, you should always be appreciative of help that is given to you and don't take it for granted that it will always be there because it won't always be there. When she calls and "visits" in the evening and stops at the coffee shop and brings over my favorite coffee and maybe a snack to go with it, I always say thank you and I make sure to repay the favor because it's the right thing to do. If your friend at work brought you a coffee when they picked one up for themselves, you would say thank you and you would return the favor eventually - if you were a prick and told them to piss off and never said thank you when they did these things and never showed any appreciation, your friend would get tired of you real quick. It's the same thing with your spouse. That's one thing during this entire process that I enjoyed learning the most, appreciating what you have: clothes on your back, money in your pocket, healthy beautiful children, a warm bed, a roof over your head, hot water in the shower, milk in the fridge, a car to drive, a job and a paycheque, friends, family, GOD. There are so many people in this world less fortunate than you so appreciate what you have and don't focus so much on what you don't have, it's easier said than done and it's just a habit you have to cultivate in your life so that it becomes part of your routine.
