Wow, you pulled out the words right out of my mouth. This is something I was really thinking alot about last night and this morning. I was asking myself 2 questions - 1) Why am I fighting for the M? The honest answer - S! 2)But why do I feel so sad and miss H and want him to be my H? It was harder to answer that one. I think you're right that it's a love that chooses to love, because they definitely don't deserve it. I was actually thinking about all the awful things he's done to me just so I wouldn't have to feel the sadness. But that's the paradox, why do we still pursue them? Is it love? Not wanting to fail? Religion? I'm note sure.
I guess I don't the answers on all these questions but I do understand where you're at and share your sentiments. And I'm with you too - I am getting VERY tired of the "I don't knows". Why it is such a hard decision to chose your family is completely beyond me!
I'm so sorry your going thru a difficult time though, but just try to continue to focus on all those good things in your life, especially S. And I think you need to do what's best for you too - if it will help you to write out an email to H so that this all won't eat you live inside, then that would be a good part of the healing process. H continues to be a disappointment, but at least the one good thing I can say with your conversation yesterday, is that it seems like he finally understands your frustrations about having to do everything while he does nothing. Now if only he would take some action on that!
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
