Also, Talk to OMW in PERSON... meet with her in a restaurant or something...
take the phone logs with you.
Also...
Have an exposure script ready, don't walk in there unprepared.
Do NOT warn your wife you are going to meet her.. print up copies of these phone logs FAST before your wife locks you out.
If you don't have OMW's phone number : Go to OM's place and wait for him to leave, then knock on the door. Just tell her verbally that you have some important news for her and would appreciate it if she will meet you in a restaurant, ask her what time is convenient.. let her pick the restaurant. If she invites you IN then and there, that's fine, but I doubt she would let a stranger walk into her home after her H leaves...
Don't force yourself on OMW to talk too soon... she needs on your side here and you need to look like the mature adult here. Just tell her you have some news she has a right to know and that you would like to meet with her in a public place asap.
Tell her NOT to tell her Husband. I suspect an invite to a public place of her choosing is something she will be satisfied with. If she won't let you in, give that a shot. I don't know if telling her in the doorway is the best route... she may just slam the door and then you have nothing.
Prepare a script and dress well.
I will write more on dealing with your wife later. But right now you need to deal with OM preying on your vulnerable marriage. Until you have that monkey off your back you have an uphill battle that can't be won.
Lastly, start looking for a GOOD FAMILY thereapist. NOT an individual counsellor/quack/shrink. a FAMILY THERAPIST.
STart going, don't even mention it to your wife yet until you find one you are happy with.
