Oh, LFA, I am sorry for your meltdown and then the body revolt. I have to think the sickness is just your body asking for a rest.
Your post was the catalyst I needed for my (planned) weep in the office between work and evening event. Sent me right over the edge. I wept for you, for me, for all of us.
But--you have made the move. You took off your ring. You are stepping forward. The process will unspool in its own time.
The "Journey" book is quite good. I intended to read more of it last night, but got home late, had to do some cooking, and then moved into total meltdown. BUT--it is good, and I do recommend it.
Don't beat yourself up for reading the letter. Imagine if it were your best friend, weeping over a lost love, memory, letter. You would hold her and comfort her, and assure her the M was good, the love was there...but H changed and made decisions and life changed. But she (you) are still here, you have sistas and friends and a life to lead. You wouldn't criticize her for reading it.
It's fine to feel small and needy. Well, not the small part! But go ahead--need us, need your sisters, ask for what you need. We're here for you.
Tough days ahead for both of us--but you are in a new place, new ring, spring, yoga! and GAL.
We are holding you accountable for GAL! Reports! Or I won't 'fess up to dates with docs or Escort Guy!
