If you don't do that your wife or OM will go to her first and tell her NOTHING is going on and that YOU are just a CRAZY JEALOUS fool she is divorcing.
They will paint innocence everywhere they are and paint you into a monster...
If YOU get there FIRST then OMW will be a LOT more inclined to believe you.
A word of advice here : NEVER NEVER NEVER WARN your spouse you are going to expose them to a target... ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS just DO IT.
If you give them warning, they will run damage control before you can even start to do any damage. Don't give your plans away DD, its tantamount to sitting at a poker table and showing your hand...
Also, Talk to OMW in PERSON... meet with her in a restaurant or something...
take the phone logs with you.
Also...
Have an exposure script ready, don't walk in there unprepared.
Do NOT warn your wife you are going to meet her.. print up copies of these phone logs FAST before your wife locks you out.
If you don't have OMW's phone number : Go to OM's place and wait for him to leave, then knock on the door. Just tell her verbally that you have some important news for her and would appreciate it if she will meet you in a restaurant, ask her what time is convenient.. let her pick the restaurant. If she invites you IN then and there, that's fine, but I doubt she would let a stranger walk into her home after her H leaves...
Don't force yourself on OMW to talk too soon... she needs on your side here and you need to look like the mature adult here. Just tell her you have some news she has a right to know and that you would like to meet with her in a public place asap.
Tell her NOT to tell her Husband. I suspect an invite to a public place of her choosing is something she will be satisfied with. If she won't let you in, give that a shot. I don't know if telling her in the doorway is the best route... she may just slam the door and then you have nothing.
Prepare a script and dress well.
I will write more on dealing with your wife later. But right now you need to deal with OM preying on your vulnerable marriage. Until you have that monkey off your back you have an uphill battle that can't be won.
Lastly, start looking for a GOOD FAMILY thereapist. NOT an individual counsellor/quack/shrink. a FAMILY THERAPIST.
STart going, don't even mention it to your wife yet until you find one you are happy with.
A word of advice here : NEVER NEVER NEVER WARN your spouse you are going to expose them to a target... ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS just DO IT.
If you give them warning, they will run damage control before you can even start to do any damage. Don't give your plans away DD, its tantamount to sitting at a poker table and showing your hand...
Thanks everyone for all the info - the problem I have though is I already threatened to expose to the OMW! So have I lost my opportunity and am I stuck now - it's been 4 days since I threw it all out there and the text's and phones between the two are flying - I am thinking if I should lay low for a week or so and let them think I truly think what they have is ok and then blindside them with exposure to the OMW, Friends and Family all in one big exposure day? So I've read the Never warn part - so what now?
Help!!!!
Me 49 H 46 M 23yrs T 25 yrs Bomb Drop 4/2010 S22/D19/D15/S13
Same roof, different beds
"Honestly I can say this trip into my own private hell is a journey that I know now I had to take."
Thanks everyone for all the info - the problem I have though is I already threatened to expose to the OMW!
So? Do it anyway. Not ideal, but still better than waiting further, as it will only give them more and more opportunities to create their "spin" and try to normalize their affair relationship.
I guess I should have said this explicitly, but my point is that THEY don't want to expose themselves anymore than you want to do it... They may NOT have DONE it yet.. they may just think you were bluffing...
Do it anyway and see what happens... you'll never know until you try...
Collect INTEL... can you put something in your wife's car to over hear the phone calls?
Pup, do you have that script for the gym owner still laying around? I think DD may benefit from taking that to the Bike club...
Ask, and you shall receive:
June 2, 2007
Mr. John Doe Owner, John Doe's Gym Anywhere, Florida
Mr. Doe,
I'm not sure if you are aware or not of some very inappropriate behavior going on between one of your employees and my wife, also your employee.
It appears that my wife, Jane Doe, and John Public are having an inappropriate relationship, an affair, at the suburban location.
I am told that John had approached my wife in an inappropriate way before she was employed by you, and in fact, he has also made untoward advances on my daughters – both members – in the past on more than one occasion.
Since you are a business owner and as such, a contributing member of the community, I am sure that you are concerned about your company's appearance and reputation in the community.
Mr. Doe, I would ask that you either immediately transfer Mr. Public to another location, or terminate him, as you see fit, so that this inappropriate behavior won't continue on your premises. If upon further investigation you find my wife to be culpable as well, I will leave that up to you. I do think that Mr. Public bears the greater burden here, as he is pursuing a married woman, with four children, both on your premises and on your clock, but I won't presume to tell you how to run your business.
Obviously, this is an intensely personal matter for my wife and I, and we are also discussing it at home and with our family. But since some of this contact has been happening on your premises, I thought I needed to bring it to your attention.
By the way, you may also want to consider adding a camera to that little room behind the front counter there, to your existing security system.
I am available to discuss this matter in person, or by phone during normal business hours, at 555-1212, or via e-mail if you wish. I was told that you’re in the field most days, and that e-mail was probably the best way to initially contact you.
