W calls out to me "I want one of these" I get up and walk over to hear and on her computer screen was a banana split. I laughed and asked "you want a banana split?" and she shook her head yes, then I said did you want me to go get you one? she shrugged her shoulders then shook her head yes. I did not get up immediately I sat there for a bit, then went and got ready to go. W then asked "where you going" and I replied "To the icecream, you still want a banana split right" she said yes then I asked "did you want to go with me and take the dog for a ride?" she thought about it and said "yeah" and so we went.
OIN,
From this description, it seems that when you two are getting along, she acts like a child and you act like the parent. It may be that this is a problem in the longterm relationship. She needs to grow up and be a mature woman, but with you she is a child. Perhaps she senses that to grow up she needs to break up with you. This is something that could be dealt with in marital counseling. It's not necessary to get rid of a relationship to change its dynamic.
And I don't advise trying to change every little thing about her, like non-word responses. If you can't let some things go, you will argue about everything. I am always amazed at the amount of time I spend holding my tongue about the things that my H does that bother me. And then he will do something nice and I realize it was worth it not to nit-pick about all that stuff, because if I had said something, he would not feel like doing something nice for me.
As I said before, you can choose a time and then tell her nicely that while you two still live together, you request that she treat you at least as well as she would treat a stranger. This still gives her the ability to determine what they means in various circumstances. It is not the same as objecting to uh-hunh answers, which is being petty. It is looking at the larger picture and acting adult. Look at the story above. How did she tell you what she wanted?
Quote:
I laughed and asked "you want a banana split?" and she shook her head yes, then I said did you want me to go get you one? she shrugged her shoulders then shook her head yes.
That's non-verbal. She shook her head, or she shrugged her shoulders. In that case, it was cute and you understood what she meant. But then other times you object to hearing ummm, or uh-hunh, but it is the same thing. This is how you two interact. If you criticize her for it, she will be offended. She is doing what works for her.
