Is this piecing?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Hope.. yes, I had no contact with bf for 4 months, apart from a few emails. His turning around was entirely internal. I heard a phrase.. let them feel the weight of their decision.

So you behave as though you accept it, without saying as much. I didnt initiate contact at all during this time, just responded. I was ALWAYS friendly, jokey, warm. I never let him see a chink of hurt or sadness.. as this only compounds their guilt for leaving you and starting a new R and they cant handle how that makes them feel, so they avoid you. Yuo dont want that!

So they left, they are dating, you respect that. As much as we loved them, love and being in an R is a choice. A very personal choice and you cant make someone love you, or make them come back, as much as it kills, I know.

What you can do is not react in the usual way (b*stard, sue their *ss, cut their clothes up, be vengeful, hurt, pleading, crying or move on and date someone else, etc)... but be cool. Stay single, but be accepting. Give them what they want - they chose to leave so you act like you accept that. It gives them the space and permission to really feel how they feel about giving you up.. sort of, you made your bed, lie in it! But in a loving, compassionate way (so no hurt remarks or references!) Sorry, not explaining very well.

When bf was dating, I never once mentioned Helen. The first time I saw him in Novemeber, after he had been with her since August, we met in a pub and talked all night - neutral subjects. I was upbeat, funny, smiled, made him laugh (whilst I was dying inside and desperate to throw my arms around him). But I made NO reference to her or his new life with her. I thought of other things to talk about that were a little more linked to either just him, or us (family, joint friends, old injokes, funny anecdotes). I guess you have to be an actress. I thanked him for coming. He cried when he dropped me off, so I held HIS hand and let HIM talk whilst I comforted HIM! (crazy huh).

I think you should move to Separated, or MLC, if you think he's in one.

I also think you should work on yourself a bit more, IMHO. You still blow in the wind too much and get very upset/and or angry about stuff. Yuo say you are a stay at home Mum - now that there is a presumed D on the table.. do you have any plans to get out to work again? Even part-time? Maybe this would shake your H up a bit. It would be good for your self esteem too.

Al xxx