Wow! That is one huge revolution!! I *guessed* at you wanting the quality time thing--I was trying to figure out how your H saw you as "clingy"--and those people around here with that LL sometimes get that response.
But GIFTS--oh boy--that one is LAST on my list and I have messed up BIG TIME with the people that love gifts (my mom, sister, and stepmom) Gift people need regular little gifts with thought behind them--just like you crave the time spent together--he craves those gifts.
You know what? I wouldn't even HESITATE to send him a little something--with a small note saying you thought of him and got it. You have nothing really to lose at this point. You are not a big pursuer, and it would be a huge 180. You may get a very negative reaction at first. It doesn't matter--I still would do it.
Listen--I'm not in the worst place right now--my H said he wanted to go to a lawyer on Wednesday of last week, and then on Friday he bought a 50 inch television for our living room. I go by his actions not his words. His actions say he's not going anywhere anytime soon (hey, and if he does, I'm keeping the television!)
I have been a terrible boundary setter--it is the one thing I DIDN'T do when I was here before. And he is a very strong-willed man. He has been BEGGING for me to stop him from being an out-of-control maniac for the past year with a remodeling project. We got to a VERY good place, but then I let him start something and you know how they say that remodeling will test your marriage? It did and we failed.
And Good, I was here 6 years ago because like you I had NEVER spoken my H's LL--which is Acts of Service. I used to FIGHT him about it--told him to do things himself all the time.
I did a COMPLETE 180 and it was HARD. He was SO distrustful at first. (well, because he didn't want me to do ANYTHING for him after he said ILYNILY) I just pursued (not my normal nature) through his negativity (and he was PISSED). To this day, EVERY DAY, I ask what I can do for him. When things got really bad last year he was running me ragged. I do have to put limits on this. But as much as I can, without making myself crazy, I do things for him.
You know, your H's parents may "understand" his gift LL. Or they may be like you and "competing" with your quality time LL. I know my MIL "gets" that my H loves acts of service--for one thing her H is like mine--so my H sees her run herself silly for her H and wants it to be the same here.
But I still need a life--she has decided she doesn't need one, but I DO.
I would really put some thought into this. I don't know "how", but EVERY TIME you see him, have "something"...
Oh! Even if it is not for HIM--have something for his dad, or mom, or a friend--those work well too. I give my gift people gifts for their pets, or them, or someone they know...
