No, absolutely NM, you're right to ask. My H and I always had a rule with the children that the punishment must fit the crime, if you will.
H agreed to no contact. He did not agree to work on our M during that time, as he's "done" and will "never" feel anything for me again... regardless, OW is supposed to be working on her M. They're meeting and having sex just like before... and they're M. They are not behaving as spouses should behave.
As a M stepmom, I shared my money equally with H.
He's not behaving as a M man, and therefore, I believe that if he's going to treat me as a roommate, he should have to take not just the "fun" roommate behaviors/consequences (going out to all hours, not checking in with anyone, no responsibility to his family, f-ing another woman, drinking, spending money) - then he should have to also have to take on the not-so-fun responsibilities, such as paying for his own children. If he were to D me, he would be doing this 100%, and he's telling his friends and family behind my back we're as good as divorced now... so why should I be paying for his expenses? He agreed to no contact and being on fb and talking to her is contact. He's breaking the agreement he had with me.
Now, by extension, he should also be handling all the other things, such as making doctor appts, driving them to activities, making dinner, grocery shopping, etc... but he won't and they'll suffer, so I'm still doing those things. Mostly, I'm here emotionally for them when they blow up due to the stress they're under, and they do that frequently, and I am here to teach them life lessons, which I do frequently - and most of that stress and most of those lessons are around "why is Daddy acting this way" and questions such as "will Daddy leave us?" and "where is Daddy, and why did he blow off my sweet sixteen (yes, he disappeared... and none of her friends came either, they all called and said this coming weekend would be better due to mothers day...) so DSD16 was abandoned by her friends, so I took her out to buy lunch for the kids and an outfit for her and her daddy left to be with OW rather than come with the family.
I agree about not letting him know now... it's just that it's like lying to me, since I know he's still seeing her, but then again, I haven't snooped or anything so I have no proof recently, just a really good gut feeling. I just feel like one of my boundaries would be that if he is still having sex with her, that may be it for me, I may ask him to leave, so I wonder if I should be purposefully NOT asking questions and NOT finding out intel, just so that I can keep the status quo, so to speak. I know in my heart and soul that if I snooped today, I'd find evidence today that they're still meeting, having sex, and planning on "telling the world of their great love" and divorcing their spouses as soon as "their spouses are strong enough to handle it" and running into the sunset together.
Meanwhile, he's telling me he's had no contact. I guess my question is... if I said to H "have you maintained no contact?" and he told me that he is back in contact with her, is it an appropriate time to tell him, OK, pack your bags.
Are there any old timers that would comment on this?
