Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

Thank you onthemountaintop,

But it is definitely not time for congrats. My W and I are being polite for now, but the A is far from over, and i need to know that and not let my guard down for a moment. She said, "she has a work function this Friday." This may or may not be true. I will find out for sure from OMW.

She was looking at real estate today. I am sure that she just had a little guilt this weekend. I continue to do my thing, and see what happens.

This is a another day, and I will be optimistic a little.

[LSG]

I do not know what to make of wife checking rentals/real estate where the OM lives and being a little nice yesterday and today. She still wears her wedding ring. Why?

[idontunderstand]

She still wears her wedding ring. Why?

My W still wears hers, too. I don't know why either. Every day I expect it to be gone.

I'm glad you had a good, friendly weekend. I'm also glad your not reading much into her friendliness. It can turn into nastiness in a heartbeat, as you well know. Enjoy the good times with no expectations. Hard to do, I know.

Concentrate on being a great Dad and hang in there.

I really wish I had some words of wisdom. You're getting great advice from some good people. Just know that I am following along and I understand.

IDU

[LSG]

Idontunderstand,

Thanks for the kind words.

I think that she forgot her wedding ring once because she takes it off at night. I did not say anything, but it made me flush with anxiety over it. It has been on since even on the weekends.

I had a good weekend, but I definitely have no expectations about my sitch. I am only looking forward, not backward to the way I felt before. Never again do I want to be that person.

No words of wisdom is okay, just need the support.

Thanks for being there for me.

Oh, she is going to some function this weekend for her work, or so she says. I don't buy it. I need to know how to put boundaries on this if I can.

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

Go with her to the activity. If you cannot be present at the exact activity, just go on the trip and stay in the hotel room....

[LSG]

It is just a Friday night function for work. It is not for the whole weekend. I am just curious if she is lying or not. I want to know how to find out and stop if it is with the OM. Maybe there is nothing I can do.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Most of my work functions my spouse could attend, even if it is "work only" people after work. I would try to get myself invited to see how she's going to respond. I guess I would find out where its at first.

See LSG, my wife was good at making me off balance and to feel "dis empowered". So if I showed up at something like this, she would cast me from the group up front.

Maybe both of us are much better off finding new women. Its not good for your "mojo" to be eating this crap nor being put in 2nd or 3rd place with your own spouse, being denied love and affection, being given scraps, being denied sex and imtimacy, being lied to, being cheated on.

It all strips from you.

[LSG]

Wow...the past 3 days has been a real rollercoaster ride from bad to somewhat good. I am scared of the good so much. I was use to the bad, so I no longer know what to do when W is being nice. I do talk, but I detach at the same time.

Ever since I gave the kids money to take her to IHOP and stayed home, it is like she has done a 180. She tells the kids to check with daddy. She asked if I wanted to go out for dinner because I we an extra money come in today. I was going to cook dinner, but she wanted to go out, so I went. It felt kind of weird because it has been so long to go somewhere all of us together. I was not sure to go. I did, and it was pleasant. We did talk about my job a little, but I was not sure if I should talk to her about anything else, so I was quiet. Went shopping together too. I kept to myself. I don't know what to do. I have been good at focusing on myself. I guess I am in self defense mode right now.

I have been working and doing things for myself, and it is starting to feel good.

It is funny how one night a big argument, and the next day a kind gesture has turned things around a little. We are actually speaking, and she is showing me some respect and kindness. Go figure...She was telling the kids how sweet daddy was to give them money and let them take mommy with them by herself. I have been gone on the weekends ends a little too with work. She has been spending time with the kids, and they say she is so nice and changed alot. They tell me that she says nice things about me lately too.

I don't want to have things go back to the way they were before for anybody.

I do know that the A is still going on, so I still have bad feelings toward her. I feel that I am closed off. If she does open, I want to know how I do that now the way I feel. It is so hard to be in this position more than the one before. At least I knew to expect and how to react.

Now she asks me to do things for her, and I do. I am not sure if I should.

Help, I don't know what to do....anymore.

I don't want to mess up the little hope I have. I do not to be overly optimistic or pessimistic.

This is very strange to me!!!

[LSG]

I thought about my R with my W, and I could not go back to any kind of relationship until the A is over completely, and she vows to work on the M if that ever happens. I would have to have her have some kind of accountability and do more than just be nice for a couple of days. It is a start I guess, but it would take a lot for us to get back to some kind of M. I will not D her; she can do that if she so decides. I will continue to live my life the best I can for me and the kids.

I know now that it will take me a lot to go back because all I want to do is move forward and be happy now. I have been finding peace more than unhappiness these days, and I like who I am. I am glad I am me and not her. She must be truly miserable to do what she has done. That is really too bad for her.

I guess I am moving forward no matter what happens. I like the sound of that! It makes me feel empowered.

I do have along way to go, but I will make it I know. I am just starting my journey to find myself. It is going to be a good journey with or without her. I am happy to finally be able to write this even if it is only for this moment.

I have been finding myself attracted to other woman, and flirting a little too. I would never be in another relationship as long as I am married and in this one. But it feels good to have these feelings again.

I like working, and I hope to have any full time position and have my own money, so she can't say that it is her money. I just like things that way.

I still love her, but I do not have the same feelings the way I use to. It would take a lot to get them back. I am not only detaching, but I feel detached more than ever. I do not even feel M sometimes. It is strange, but it does not feel so bad as it use to at this time. I am happy right now, and I like that feeling more than anything. I guess I am moving forward where ever that is going to take me I don't know at the moment, but it will be interesting to see where I am in a year from now, and what I will be doing.

I will continue to work on me, and this job is GALing for me. I love time to be away from everything, and it feels so good to be me. The kids are happy, and home is home in a "funny" kind of way.

I just needed to write how I felt at this moment.

I hope if the A ends, we could work on our M and take responsibility for went wrong, and change those areas for both of us. I do know that it is not completely her fault for what was wrong in the marriage before the A, but since the A, that has been all her, and until she understands that there is nothing for us to work on.

My thoughts stopped there...

[LSG]

Oh, I believe there is never an excuse for an A, and any problems we had and have do not justify cheating on me or anyone else ever!!!