Two weeks to D Day and counting!!

[lea74]

So some time next week my H will be able to apply for the final D. Ironically is is also our 14th wedding anniversay next week as well. A time we should be celebrating together, however it now the end of my family and my marriage.

This time last year he hadnt even decided to move out and now a year later everything has changed.

It has been such a hard year. I have had some really bad lows, and interestly some good highs. I have lost my confidence and self esteem but feel I now understand myself better as well. I have become more independant and like to make decisions again. Some people I have know for years have dissappinted me and others have come through for me in ways I would never have expected. Some people have shown me such kindness and generosity.

I regained my faith, GAL and experienced some small miracles.

I was hoping to move over to piecing at some stage but will now be in surviving the big D.

I tried really hard to save my marriage, I made some mistakes, there are some things that I would definitely do differently and others that I wouldnt.

I look forward to my future.

[lea74]

^^

[lea74]

So today is my 14th wedding anniversary. I really miss my H. I dont miss the person he is now but rather the person I have known for 21 years. I miss his company, and friendship. We think alot alike and used to be best friends. I just miss him. I can now feel the loss and the thought of him not being in my life is just so sad. I can now feel the loss of my marriage and family.

[CanadianKid]

Sorry to hear that you are struggling on what is suppose to be a very special day. The sadness and grief are very normal. My prayers are with you!

[lea74]

Thank you. I really didnt think it would bother me, but I am feeling such a loss today. It feels like someone - or in this instance - something has died. I actually feel empty - something that I have heard about but never experienced before. (thankfuly)

The thought of not spending my life with my H is now finally hitting me. Up until this point, I havent had a chance to reflect on it, and now is seems when all is quiet I notice him missing.

I was going to send him a text acknowledging the day - but decided against it.

[CanadianKid]

I think you made the right decision in not acknowledging your anniversary. You two have been together a long time, 2/3 of your life essentially. That kind of history is hard to walk away from and grieve for. It sounds like you are doing pretty well, keep your chin up!

[lea74]

Thanks, drowning my sorrows in some good red and half a bag of do-nuts. Hey,whatever it takes get through.

I didnt think I would achieve anything by sending a text re our anniversary. My H knows it is today and I am sure that he has thought of it as well.

[RedHeadWife]

Are you in IC, sweetie? If not, I think now would be an awesome time to get going w/ a really good one & begin to figure out who the New You is!

I know this whole thing sucks and I am so sorry for you, but I have to say that maybe a few years down the road, you will look back and go "wow, that was worth it in the end." I know -- a lot easier for an outsider to say, but that's just what I was thinking. Hope you aren't offended.

Take care of YOU and your kids. I hope your family is around and you have a good support system. You WILL get through this & the "only way out is through." Hugs, girlie!

[lea74]

Thanks, actually I am starting IC in a couple of weeks time. I was doing IC last year and found it really helpful so looking forward to my next round.

Yeah this does suck, but I know eventually I will be okay. I am a glass half full type of person so in the end I know it will be okay.

I look forward to the day that I can be friends with my H again.

I have a good support system thankfully. Not something I have ever had before, but amazingly people have been wonderful.

It looks like you have been through a tough time too, so thanks for the input.

((( )))

[lea74]

SO have had two ill sons the last couple of days. Poor babies, there is a bug going around and they both caught it.

Anyway H is not happy with me as I didnt inform them that they were being kept off school. He found it unacceptable.

Well, he is not part of our lives on a daily basis so I dont need to inform him. Also, in the past I have always dealth with it and still do, so dont see the need to inform him. And lastly (and I know this will sound childish), but he never informed me or even asked if I was okay for my sons to stay at OW house. I had to find out after the fact - so I guess he is now getting some of his own medicine. I find that unacceptable. In fact I had to threaten with a L letter to get her address so at least I knew where they were.

He forgetst that he left and therefore can not demand how things are done. I am now the boss!!!!

I guess if he had shown me some respect and informed me of his decisions to let my sons sleep at OW house then maybe I would consider telling him. Like they say you teach people how to to treat you.

Anyway it is not a life threatening thing - just a tummy bug.