MLCer or addicted infidel?

[WhatNow]

Start making space for a love relationship to come into your life. Study the feng shui use of essential oils, candles, crystals to raise the vibrations of your home.

Have images of happy couples, use simple feng shui cures for love, such as things in pairs in the Southwest corner of your bedroom and home.

Having a strong personal energy field will help you stay in the present moment and heal your heart, and sometimes the healing includes grieving and letting go.
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THIS PART WAS ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH AN EX:
Even if this relationship cannot be rekindled, it is an act of blessing to reveal the love that is still there; and then, by being released, its energy will find the right course for your own highest good. However, if the strong love bonds are still flowing in both directions, you might be in for a great and beautiful surprise!

Only a healed and open heart will allow you to accept, cherish, and keep love, no matter new or old; and feng shui wisdom is always there to help you attract and nourish the energy of love.

Found this on about.com and took excerpts....kind of funny where it says to heal your heart it can mean grieving and letting go (i.e. detaching???).

Yes most of my reading is boiling down to Positive affirmations, releasing negativity, visualizing your future, living as if your dreams are reality...Universal Law of Attraction. Norman vincent Peale. I'm gonna work on a book...just need a slant on this.

[WhatNow]

Semi-peaceful day. DD16 gave me a beautiful letter I will treasure forever and some chocolate which i ate immediately. The other 2 gave hugs, kisses and see ya laters.

A Text from H to which I didn't respond. Later a call about DD18, telling me what to say to her, what to do to her, how to maximize control over her....yea, yea, yea. I'll handle her the best I can but it will involve influencing her rather than controlling her. I told him that if we could control others, he would be living with his family. I followed that with asking if he'd seen his mother.

This opened a convo about his issues w/her. He mentioned, among other things, how he had few memories of her when he was growing up. He has said this before and that he has brought it up in IC. I suggested he look at her photo albums b/c he has probably repressed the memories as a defense mechanism. He is recognizing that I am the only one he can really talk to b/c I know who he is talking about. His IC, OW, whoever, hasn't lived the last 25 years with him. Sure they can TRY to validate, but when I do, it means something.

There's more:

DD16 had lunch w/him today. She took me out to dinner tonight. Over dinner, she said dad seems different somehow. She couldn't put her finger on it. hmmm..still has the graybeard tho. Am glad he is interested in the kids more.

Stepkids checked in. DSD says her dad is nuts and is getting more and more like his mother. DSD stayed away from grandma too. Soo sad for all of them.

[courageous wife]

Good morning WN

Glad you had a semi-peaceful day. Your convo with your H sounded ok! Have you noticed that your H seems different too?

[WhatNow]

Good morning WN

Glad you had a semi-peaceful day. Your convo with your H sounded ok! Have you noticed that your H seems different too?

Good morning CW!

Yes, I have noticed small things. I have mentioned before, it seems "old" H was back. This seems to be happening more frequently. His speech pattern is faster, no dragged out sentences, no awkward silences. He hasn't moaned about money since prom. He is more involved w/kids.

But then, after all the game schedule talk, he is still a no-show. He got a haircut but still sports his goatee which he knows I hate and OW likes. Still is not completely available to kids...doesn't always take their calls.

I am not convinced of anything being truly different. He mentioned forty/sixty, but hasn't brought it up again...just the mother stuff. It has just been two weeks since I first saw him. 2 weeks since the blow-up about info spreading to OW and her deception. Still not sure if he saw it as that.

Maybe just the confusion seems to be less. Maybe he has decided to D. Who knows? I am not asking!

I have to go trim the trees hanging over the road so the code enforcement guy doesn't fine me! And the kids need to get off to school. Can't wait for summer!! 12 more school days!!!

[Marked&Healed]

Did you hear that Rielle Hunter (J Edward's OW) who said she was helping "Johnny" to live his "authentic life" and to discover his "authentic self." Ha! Apparently he lived 50+ years under a false identity (so to speak)? And thanks to her, he suddenly found his authentic self when he met her! What a crock!

I listened on youtube the interview where Oprah said that Rielle and John had a magnetic attraction on a soul level that could not be fought.

Really, while his wife was fighting cancer... oh, heck, I guess if you can't fight it, what's a poor man to do?

[newmama]

WN I am crossing my fingers that this "difference" in your H lasts...are you acting any different? You sound detached and like you have no expectations.Is that accurate? Just trying to learn from others' experiences!

[WhatNow]

Hey nm,
Yes I feel detached for the most part. Maybe I have repressed or put aside a lot of stuff to deal with later. Going dark for a few months REALLY helped me step away.

I expect that he will either ask to come home or ask for a D one of these days. He may be holding off on the D b/c he found out I could get the house, half the property, 30% of his gross income, plus child support! He maybe holding off on Breaking up w/ OW b/c I suspect he promised her 6 months. Well, I could go on and on w/ these maybes. Then I think...whatever. I am actually beginning yo like my life as it is!

H only called twice today. Both times to tell me how to handle DD18 and breaking her lease. I told him I will handle it. (In his "world" all the characters are supposed to follow his script)

He did say we talk to much about kid and house issues, "bad stuff and problems" and he wanted to tell me a funny story. He went on to tell me about a guy on a motorcycle, going down the freeway. He wasn't wearing his gages so his earlobes were flapping away like Dumbo. I had to laugh at the picture.


The "difference" is feeling like cake-eating. I don't feel like a doormat but like I am making him too comfortable.

That doesn't mean I do not have hope.

[newmama]

The "difference" is feeling like cake-eating. I don't feel like a doormat but like I am making him too comfortable.

I see the danger..like he could comfortably do this with you and OW for longer. (like in my sitch) BUT on the outside looking in, it is interesting to see that prior to you peeking out, your kids said dad was an alien and since you have been peeking out, they see the old dad too. You have seen your old H (and still some of his OW behaviors like the goatee).

Do you think it is reasonable to say that your H missed you and the kids durign the dark period? And now he is being "nice" and his old self a little more because he is happy to see you guys? I realize this is mind reading. BUt how are we supposed to monitor results if we don't analyze them a little more.

Dark=alien H
peeking out= old H

Is this too simplistic?

[WhatNow]

Yea, nm, we have to watch. The danger comes in when we invest emotional energy into what they are doing.

I know he misses me and the kids.

He did not seem to have much interest in the kids tho. DS13 saw him 3 times in 4 months: H went to 2 baseball games (out of 20) and asked him to a movie. In the last 2 weeks, he has asked to see him 3 times. DD's were a bit more demanding and asked to meet him for lunch more. But if they didn't initiate..nothing.

I frequently got "I miss you emails". H has been really good at compartmentalizing since shortly after I found out about the A. (Before that he was full of anger and spewed hostility everywhere)

I am watching with curiosity. I won't let any of his behaviors change my plan. If it doesn't feel good, I won't do it. (allowing H access to me)

[newmama]

He did not seem to have much interest in the kids tho. DS13 saw him 3 times in 4 months: H went to 2 baseball games (out of 20) and asked him to a movie. In the last 2 weeks, he has asked to see him 3 times. DD's were a bit more demanding and asked to meet him for lunch more. But if they didn't initiate..nothing.

I am sorry to hear this. Was he more involved before the A? I do know some parents just don't connect well with certain ages. I am not trying to defend...I mean my S' grandpa does very well with middle school-highschool age but not so much with babies and kids! My mom does great with babies and little kids but when we turned 8 she kind of stopped spending as much time with us. So you see what I mean?

Gosh I think that this baby stage is toughest for me and I am looking forward to when he turns 3. The teenage years scare me but hopefully I will have some help from WH or my next great love of my life (lol!)