still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Thanks ladies! I am wading through the sadness but it feels like I am fight a strong current if that makes sense. I do think I will wait to ask about the D when I am ready to accept/ give up.

Ok well I just got back from a meetup with single parents group and I found another great bar for friends or a date! I felt like "the baby" of the group until another woman arrived who looked sooo familiar- turns out we went to highschool together and she was one year younger than me. We went to the same college too! Funny.

Anyway, I learned a few divorce stories so far. One couple divorced after 17 years and they "just grew distant." It was amicable for the most part. She is not ready for a relationship yet although it has been 3 years. She has an 8 year old and 10 year old. Here is an interesting nugget of wisdom that she shared (at the end of this story):

when they sat down to "have the talk" about divorce, her kids were 5 and 7. Well, they seemed like "no big deal." A couple of years later, her son was in P.E. and forgot his shoes. When the teacher asked where they were, he was super embarassed to tell her that they were at his mom's house because he thought he was the only divorced kid in his class (or school). OK well the woman said that kids will just go through the reality of divorce in their own time; that just because you have the talk doesn't mean it's over for them. Makes sense.

Let's see- another gent divorced because they, too, grew apart. He had a 3.5 year old daughter and sees her 50%. I had the impression that the guy was willing to work things out if his wife was, but she quickly filed for divorce as soon as he brought up the fact that they were having issues. She has been angry and unreasonable too.

Another guy was never married. Right away he said that he had one son from a one night stand 15 years ago and he has raised him for 15 years. (hey- at least he was honest and thankfully he didn't abandon the boy) The other son was from a 7 year relationship (I forget how old he was) but they never married. He and his ex get along well and are able to resolve issues that come up. He said that he wants to be in love with someone and share his life with her but that it doesn't mean she has to be his wife. Turns out, his parents divorced when he was 13. His dad met a woman and they stayed together for 25 years til he died. They never married. Guess he saw that happiness is possible in a monogomous relationship without marriage!

OK sorry to be so long. What I did notice was that most of the people were either in agreement with the divorce or initiated it. There were 2 I didn't get to talk to. There were a LOT of 50% custody arrangements! Go dads! I felt proud for being the LBS and not sitting at home sulking; sure, I don't want the divorce but at least I will still GAL! I did like that these meetups were not for dating. Just friends. And dating when I want to one day.

Oh and the best thing- when I exhanged S, I kept business like and friendly. WH asked "can I bring him between 8:30-9?" I said yes. Now when I left my function at 8, I texted WH to ask him to tell me when he was on his way to drop off S. He said now and that he'd be there by 8:35. So I got to say "I'm on my way home now, too." I still beat him by 5 minutes or so but at least he got to see I was out! ha!

WH changed S' dirty diaper so he wasn't "in and out." I did my best to stay in that zone. Man do I want to bond and talk about S with him. But need to remind myself that I did that for 10 months and it didn't make him end his affair (although that must work for some people because why else is that advice out there?). So I made myself reign it in and be neutral.