I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

James, you were the 1st one on this forum to offer support to me. Ya know, it really made me feel good to get a response to a thread most would consider quite toxic.

I want to thank you for that. But man I know you can pull it together your 32 yrs old with so much life to live, i was feeling prob almost the same way because my W and I have had some very turbulent arguments that led to much craziness, but now that I am away from her and I have upped my Anti-ds i tell ya I wonder maybe if I had been depressed for many months and just didnt know it.

Maybe you could get some anti-d from your dr or some xanex or something to calm your nerves friend.

It will get better James I promise you that. Just know that you have to take it a step at a time, and realize that total strangers on this board care about you enough to not want you to do anything stupid.

I hope you come to a peaceful resolve with your W, kids, and yourself most importantly.

I hope so man. WAW was supposed to get antidepressants and have I.C. today.

I'm trying to do that for me. Hopefully the anti ds will mellow me out and help me from getting so upset and depressed.

There's just so much hurt and anger and frustration between us. I wish she would go to counseling with me.

thanks for the reply knight. I really appreciate it

I appreciate all the replies and kind words today.

I'm still very very sad. I miss WAW I miss my family. I wish this madness could stop and we just be happy.

[james217]

it has been 3 days and WAW had been N.C.

Today I call a church and try to set up spiritual counseling and call I.C. and try to set up professional counseling and get antidepressants


I leave voice mails for counseling. I am crying. Today is a bad bad day. I messed up C.G. pact.

I am sorry

[Serenity13]

James~

How did you mess up? If you can't get in to see your IC or spiritual counseling, do what I did...

I drove around to church after church until I found one where there was a Minister who was willing to see me...

It wasn't at the church I ended up at, however it helped right then and there...

You can choose to allow the rest of your day to be bad or you can pull your boot straps up, put a smile on your face and choose to make the rest of the day the best you can.

(((((Hugs)))))

[mza8]

james, hey buddy, checking in with you. Sorry I haven't posted much in your threads lately.

I think everyone here knows exactly how you feel. Just know that you are not alone. Yes, it's damn tough at times. It does get better. Please try to stay strong. Serenity is right that you should try several churches today until you find someone that can talk to you today. If you are unable to drive then call around and I'm sure a priest or minister from a church will be able to talk to you over the phone.

I've kept up with your sitch and City Girl is giving you tremedous support. She is amazing. Continue to listen and talk with her. She is there for you and she's not going anywhere. None of us are. The people here truly care about you james.

I just wanted to let you know that we all want to help you get through this. Even if we don't always check in, we are still keeping watch and supporting you.

[CityGirl]

James - I have several appts today so check back in later so we can catch up!

[james217]

James~

How did you mess up? If you can't get in to see your IC or spiritual counseling, do what I did...

I drove around to church after church until I found one where there was a Minister who was willing to see me...

It wasn't at the church I ended up at, however it helped right then and there...

You can choose to allow the rest of your day to be bad or you can pull your boot straps up, put a smile on your face and choose to make the rest of the day the best you can.

(((((Hugs)))))

i have not been N.C. with W. i've gone back to consistently texting and calling again. She does not talk though. maybe she will never talk again.

my I.C. call. we set up appointment for tommorrow. I have I.C. tommorrow. I forgot to ask about antidepressants

I don't think waw will ever call or talk or see me again. I say prayers last night.

I ask waw for forgiveness and patience and for god to make me better so that I will not be a bad person anymore even when I try to be good I mess up I guess.

That's why I can't see the kids or waw.

I leave another voice mail for her to call back.

i mean i leave voice mail for counselor to call me back.

I think I have mess up too much. She do not say a word to me anymore. no text no calls no emails. NOthing.

[Serenity13]

James~

for god to make me better so that I will not be a bad person anymore even when I try to be good I mess up I guess

I don't believe this...You ask Him for guidance to be a better person however you won't take the steps necessary to implement it. You want Him to wave a magic wand and fix everything the way you want it, however He doesn't work this way...

It is hard however once I looked at my situation as a gift, then and only then was I able to step back and see the big picture...

Then I was able to move forward for myself and my boys...

Then I was able to be thankful for the gift I was given...A chance to truly see what I was made of...

You are still only focusing on the here and now instead of the big picture...

I told a close friend of mine this morning - "I am trying to no longer beat myself up over being intentionally hurt...Yes what H did/still does takes my breath away, however it is my choice to allow it to knock me down or allow me to grow a little bit with each slap."

That is where you need to be...

You need to accept that this is what is now and either learn and grow from it or allow it to suck your soul right out of you.

You need to understand the choices are all yours.

Choose joy or choose sorrow and then understand with each choice comes either something wonderful or something not so wonderful.

I choose wonderful because I will be damned if I allow another human being to rule my life any longer.



(((((Hugs)))))

[james217]

James~

for god to make me better so that I will not be a bad person anymore even when I try to be good I mess up I guess

I don't believe this...You ask Him for guidance to be a better person however you won't take the steps necessary to implement it. You want Him to wave a magic wand and fix everything the way you want it, however He doesn't work this way...

It is hard however once I looked at my situation as a gift, then and only then was I able to step back and see the big picture...

Then I was able to move forward for myself and my boys...

Then I was able to be thankful for the gift I was given...A chance to truly see what I was made of...

You are still only focusing on the here and now instead of the big picture...

I told a close friend of mine this morning - "I am trying to no longer beat myself up over being intentionally hurt...Yes what H did/still does takes my breath away, however it is my choice to allow it to knock me down or allow me to grow a little bit with each slap."

That is where you need to be...

You need to accept that this is what is now and either learn and grow from it or allow it to suck your soul right out of you.

You need to understand the choices are all yours.

Choose joy or choose sorrow and then understand with each choice comes either something wonderful or something not so wonderful.

I choose wonderful because I will be damned if I allow another human being to rule my life any longer.



(((((Hugs)))))

No I don't want him to use a magic wand although I wish I had one sometimes.

Yep I would like to be better overnight. I hate being like this. I hate feeling this way. It's annoying frustrating and ticking me off to not understand myself or my actions.

Ill try to do something happy today. It usually do not work but I'm trying to listen to some music and just relax.

maybe when i get antidepressants it will help

[robx]

I choose wonderful because I will be damned if I allow another human being to rule my life any longer.



(((((Hugs)))))

Serenity you're awesome! ;-)

[luvless]

love this ^