That is put excellently. Yes the phenomina you describe does happen. Sometimes out spouses are seeing themself in "the mirror" and blame us for how they feel. When how they feel may have nothing at all to do with us.
( If my wife decides I am the source of all the problems, and relays that to her friends, well meaning or not, they'll tend to support her "getting rid of" whatever is making her unhappy. )
