What to do when their friends suggest leaving?

[Bummedout]

Okay, I'll pick up where I left off.

6) "I think you might find that if the WAS is on the fence agreeing with their stance is actually more powerful than disagreeing."

I'm not sure "is" more powerful" is the correct word really. "Can" be more powerful" is the way to look at it in my book. It is really dependent on the particular situation at any given time. Once can easily "agree" themselves right to divorce court if one just looks at concurrence as an absolute. Right now, it seems more powerful, and yes, it is counterintuitive, as I don't agree that separation is best, for her or for me, so for this situation, I agree with you.

7) "Avoiding huge highs and lows is a very good goal. Now the key will be finding out how you can do that. What will work for you? I can't say "do this, do that" but it is certainly something you can evaluate on a daily basis.

That's exactly it. And I don't expect the highs and lows can be completely avoided, but I think it is in our best interests to keep them too a minimum. As you concur, the trick is "how" to do that, and I also agree that is best dealt with on a day to day, situational basis.

Michele's book I read years ago did sink in somewhat, I think I can kinda see some of it "stuck" in the way I've dealt with it from the start, and has probably helped keep me a bit more balanced and thinking logically than I otherwise would have.

I think this also is possibly part of the gross misunderstanding with some folks here. I'm not some freaked out desperate person, and to be honest, I think some of the people here actually "want" that. Someone who hasn't thrown their brain aside just yet cuts into THEIR egos as knights in shining armor. Again, their past history here speaks volumes about their less-than-altruistic motives.

In a bit of ironic hilarity, Gooch and Robx are having their egos bruised by someone who is still relatively calm and clear thinking. Bugs the CRAP out of them not to be perceived as 'heros'. As you alluded to earlier . . . not sure what they actually fear. At this point, I don't even care.

8)"I think your lack of employment might be a bigger issue than you realize."

I've already concurred to that CG, but I'd have to say you're right . . .and that is not really a good thing. I would find that shallow and selfish on her part, to be honest. Hopefully a job will help negate this part of it, but even that would leave me having to come to grips with the reality that she would throw a marriage away for something like being unemployed. It's not like it's gonna stay that way forever. It might be different if I were doing nothing, but "not working" is simply 'not me.' One thing nobody can reasonably accuse me of is not being motivated. If I'm not looking actively for a job, I'm beating the bushes for some short term work. I'm not sitting around watching Oprah and Golf. Some of the shortsighted folks here seem to equate "unemployed" as an automatic indication one is lazy or some sort of leach or something.

9) "That doesn't make you a "lump on the couch" but it is a valid concern IMO."

Well I'm not in agreement on that one,CG. I agree it is a valid concern . . .for us as a couple. Again, if the shoe were on the other foot, It wouldn't even cross my mind to put any "blame" on her.
I would consider a problem we had to work through. It would be "our" problem, and I'd never believe she was part of my problem on that topic. That being said, I have to accept that this may in fact be a big part of it . . . . but that does not take away the reality that it shouldn't be.

10) . . "IMO it simply glosses over important things both parties are trying to share and express."

Much of that I've covered above, so I'll try to avoid too much redundancy. Much of what some are trying to share isn't wanted, wasn't asked for, and was offered rather rudely to begin with. That weight is theirs to bear, not mine. I'm simply not gonna take crap from pretenders who get touchy when someone has 'the audacity' to question their advice that wasn't asked for in the first place.

I don't agree with some of what you said Citygirl, and of course you don't agree with much of my opinion either . . .yet I'm not really having a problem talking to ya here. I'm not Genghis Khan, as I've pointed out already, but I don't suffer fools very well either . . .and nobody should.

There are some people here who clearly do more harm than good, and oddly, some of them are clearly "regulars" who abuse their status. Gooch in particular has a real knack for leading people down the wrong path and still manages to have the very people he's not doing any favors for being greatful. That's scary, really.

Anyway, in closing, I do appreciate your more reasonable demeanor. Gooch and Robx can learn a thing or two from you. Thanks.