Thanks WhatNow and Sandi. Sandi, I think the pastor once suggested that we all sit down and talk, but when I put the idea on this forum, the idea was discouraged so I didn't do it. The difference here would be that my wife and the OMW would not be present. We would basically be confronting just the OM head on.
I don't mind being the bad guy if that's what it takes, I'm just trying to know will help or hurt my case. I understand what you're saying about the problem being in the heart of my wife, but wouldn't it help if the OM makes a decision to leave her alone?
What can I do about my wife's heart? All I know so far is to try to be the better option, GAL, stop pursuing, and see about kicking her out. What am I missing?
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
UPDATE: My 3yo daughter told me that the OM went to my wife's work twice today and I couldn't keep quiet and I asked her why [OM] had to go to her work and she mad an excuse that he needed to take her something. She said that she is not going to stop talking to him.
I ended up in an R discussion and said she should leave the house and it looks like she is going to look for an apartment. Did I screw up? What can I do?
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
You only screwed up if you CAN live with her continuing to talk to another man. If that really is a boundary with you, then no, of course you didn't screw up by communicating a consequence to her.
This feels like "screwing up" to you because you've never done this before. I say, it's about damned time.
You are the sane one, the stable one, remember?!?!?
Ignore her comment. I'm sure it was meant to throw the focus off of her. If she chooses to leave, she will.
You have to get back on the horse and continue with your plan.
It is time to face your fear. In reality, there is very little you can actually DO, other than make the affair more difficult than life with you. Has the pastor spoken with your wife? Has he explained that the vows you both took before God were sacred? That after you say "Let no man put asunder", God would NEVER put another man in her path?
Ken, I resisted tossing H out and going dark. All it got me was a year of turmoil, and continued damage to my marriage. Now that I have left H and OW alone to allow their affair to disintegrate, I am already seeing signs that it is. (I think) He misses me, our life, our kids. She is feeding her feelings with all the drama. It seems you are doing better with that but I am sure she sees herself as Juliet and you as the one in her way.
Prepare to let her go. Get things set up so you can keep the kids. Did you freeze your credit? Keep with your plan. Whether she leaves now or later, your plan doesn't change. Maintain your 180's, no pursual.
(If it were me, she wouldn't spend another night under my roof!)
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Thanks for the reassurance. Not sure what she's going to do now, but she left and I'm guessing she's off to see the OM and try to make a plan (again). I don't have any credit cards. The only thing I would need to do is open up a new bank account. We don't have much in our shared bank account.
I definitely set a boundary. I told her that she is hurting me and the kids and that I can't live like this. I also spilled the beans about infidelity in our state being punishable by up to three years imprisonment (not sure if I should have said that) and that I met with a lawyer on Friday to talk about a temporary separation order.
She said, "You know I don't love you." And I said, "I know, you've told me a million times. So now you need to do something about it."
She said that since we have kids together, we should work together and be friends. I said, "I can't do that - it hurts too much." I said, "Work out a plan for the kids, and I'll take a look at it."
WhatNow, the pastor has gone over all that with her and she somehow doesn't seem to care. She has always seemed to me to be a devout Christian, so I don't get it. Oh well. She keeps saying, "I tried for 11 years!" and other comments like that.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
I meant freeze your credit so she can't use it to open new accounts with out your knowledge. She will not be able to utilize any joint credit histories.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
I just exposed to about 10 of the OM's FB friends using this letter:
"[OM] is pursuing my wife to have an affair with her since July of last year. My home that was once happy is now wracked with tension, stress, and guilt. My wife and my children are miserable. I ask that you support my wife, my children, and my home and press [OM] to leave my home and family alone. This is a terrible thing to do to innocent children.
Thank you in advance for your help. Ken"
It's getting late (about 10:00) and my wife is still out with the OM. I'm going to put my kids to bed now.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
