No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[sandi2]

You know I am on your side, right? But when I read this, it really worried me:

So I told her, how much of "their interests" did she consider when she had her A with her boss. And to think if she really thought of them when she was cheating. That shut her down.

It may sound cruel, but hey it is what it is. She threw all that stuff at me emotionally/verbally when she was in her position of "power" and all I'm doing is repeating what she said.

I had a couple to ask if I would talk with them. She had an A and he cannot keep from bringing it up. Yesterday she told me that if he makes any reference to the A again that she is through forever. She cannot heal b/c it is like picking at a scab on a sore. When I spoke to him I asked him what was it going to take to stop him throwing it up in her face. He doesn't know. He says he just can't help himself.

I belive you are stronger than that, Stuck. You are a bigger man than that. Listen sweetie, if my H had thrown my A in my face just one time.....just once....I would have been out of here so fast his head would spin. But after we talked and I asked him if he was going to bring up OM's name, he said he would not mentioned his name again. And, he hasn't. Do you know how much I love him for that???

You.....not your wife, but you, are keeping the R from healing. For the longest time it was your wife, but after OM left was the perfect time that the two of you could move forward. It has improved. But why do you insist on constantly punishing her? She will give up....if you continue to do this....and you can say that isn't what you're doing, but it is. You can say all the terrible things that she did to you, and you'd be right. But has it made the love sweeter? Does it make her loving you easier? Think about it Stuck, don't you want it to be easy for your W to love you....or do you want to give her reason to wonder why she thought it would ever work out?

I doubt that she has asked you what she can do to make things better, has she? B/c being a WAW, I think I know the shame she probably feels but maybe can't bring herself to say how sorry she is....if she feels you are acting like a judge and jury. My H had to wait a very long time before I finally went with a repentant heart and told him I was sorry for what I did. I had told him in the beginning that I was sorry he was hurt, but not for what I did. I can't tell you why it's so hard, but it is. Maybe it's pride, IDK.

Just remember that no matter how much you may feel she deserves the harsh statements you throw in her face, that is the very thing that will stop the R in its tracks and you start all over at square one. It used to be her fault, but what about now?

LBH's like to talk about how love is a decision........well, so is forgiveness. Sometimes, we have to make that decision to forgive over & over & over.....every day.

You're one of my very favorite people and that is why I am telling you this. I don't think I'd be a good friend if I could see this in your writings and not point it out.

Sandi