I am sorry for the terrible loss you have suffered in a short time. I hope you will make a real effort to take exceptional good care of your own health. How is your mother doing since the passing of your dad and GM?
I can identify with living in the house with others. I think living with parents or in-laws is so very stressful on a couple....but especially if they have children! With all the stress around, it would be easy to reach that place of not feeling very "in love".
My suggestion would be to leave your W alone. Force her to be responsible for her own finances. If you help her....you are enabling her to live this sort of lifestyle. If your children need food, clothing, or anything at all....they can come home. This may not "feel" like it is the right thing to do, but as a WAW, I can tell you that she must experience this.
By leaving her alone, she will begin to miss you. If you pursue her whatsoever, it will push her away. I don't agree with enduring an open M...and the choice is yours...but I think she needed out from the depressing atmosphere she was in and that is why she thinks she's happy right now.....so I doubt any OM/A is going to last very long. She will see her children unhappy and she will begin to see the luster fade on this new found freedom.
But as I said, it is your choice in how you feel you can deal with the stitch. Some men want to wait it out, and some tell the W to end the A or he's filing for D. Just don't be too hasty in making life long decisions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
