still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Ah, makes sense, OP!

OK went to my therapy session. Kind of rambled a bit. Addressed issue of wanting to still believe WH won't go through with D (can you say DENIAL?) My therapist did tell me that I can find out by asking him where he is at with the paperwork process! He knows I am choosing to not talk about it or bring it up, but reminds me the consequence of doing that is going to be me feeling stuck and in limbo and confused as to whether to grieve or have hope. I told him that MAYBE I will check with WH in a couple of weeks when 1 month has passed since he brought up that he wants to D.

Also I wanted to make sure I wasn't accidentally alienating S or withdrawing. He told me signs to look for like clinginess, not happy to see me, lashing out...nope! PHEW! I explained to him that I am asking for help because I don't want to get so depressed that I don't interact with him so hopefully I am getting help in time....to prevent that.

I asked for tips on coping with the sadness. I mentioned that lately it seems like my marriage was a distant memory and is blurry...like I dreamt it. I told him that I feel like I never got to experience marriage and my dream of life with WH.

He said I could also be feeling sad because the marriage memories are fading...it is dawning on me that it's coming to an end. One idea was to bring out the old pictures of our relationship and really look at them and remember what we had together. FEEL the happy memories, FEEL the sadness, ACCEPT that it could be over. (he said "could" not "is") Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

One other thing is that he observed that I THINK and think and think....and that it is important to tap into my feelings as well. That overthinking and second guessing myself could be causing me more stress and anxiety!

I was reminded of the plan to keep interactions with WH business like and friendly, exchange S at the door. If WH asks why I seem to waffle back and forth, I simply explain that it's because I am adjusting and feeling all over the place (true) but that I will even out eventually (something like that).

I had a few other issues that I brought up related to affairs. When I asked him about the whole 6 mo-2 year length of affairs, he said that is an average but there are always exceptions. Like his uncle who married his OW, lasted 7 years, then divorced because he met and married another OW, lasted 10 years, but now is divorced because he met another OW. SERIOUSLY!!!!


OK so the faucet will flow with tears while I wait for my anti-D's to help me! Yes I am GALing. I am not to think about any other strategies or ways of acting other than limiting exchanges of conversation about S and acting business like-friendly. No second guessing allowed!