AJM, A long time ago a pastor and a counselor told me I should divorce my husband. I didn't go that route and they later came to me and apologized to me saying they were wrong. So, I hope you aren't making a decision based upon these 2 opinions. Make sure it's what you feel inside, which I'm sure you have.
No job yet, but I do have a possible lead.
As you know, I have only contacted my h about business stuff. And I do that by leaving him a voice mail message or texting him briefly. Usually I get no response out of him at all and I leave it at that. Yesterday, for the 1st time, I actually saw the rebellious teenager in him. I know he's acted that way before, but this was the first time I knew what it was when it happened. And I laughed! Of course, he doesn't know that since I just sent back a text to him and remained brief and to the point in my response. I swear this Monster in him is really pathetic. If our own kids had acted like that when they were teens, he would have wanted to smack them!
I told him that I had found some more of his books while going through some boxes and that after I found them all I would drop them off at his place. And then I would also give him the mail he's received here and the electric bill that the court ordered him to pay. He threw a major temper tantrum and told me not to come near his place. He wanted to receive the electric bill in the mail by Wednesday and said he would get the rest of his stuff in Nov. when the divorce is final. He went on to say I disgusted him, he hated the sight of me and the sound of my voice, he couldn't wait to be rid of me, and the real kicker was goodbye and good riddance! Good grief. I imagined him stomping his feet while he said all of that. I would have thought if I really disgusted him, he would have felt that way a couple of months ago when he was taking me out to dinner once a week. But, he started saying all this crap after our last court date when I told him I thought he was playing me and I had decided to only talk to him about business stuff.
The more I stay away from him, the worse he gets! It all sounds like projection to me. I think he's really disgusted by his own actions and the sound of my voice and seeing me is just a reminder of his own failure. The only thing that I said to him was that I hoped we could act like adults with whatever brief encounters we had with each other. That went over like a wet balloon.
I plan on going to talk to our pastor sometime this week. I haven't actually sat down and talked to him about all of this since h left. So, I have a lot to fill him in on. I've only told him a few details. My husband went to talk to him quite a few times before he left. Pastor told me he was concerned about him spiritually and that he thought he even had a low opinion of who he was in Christ. I told him I thought that's because his depression is so bad. He doesn't believe anything good about himself, even if it's from God! I also think h feels so bad about himself that he's trying to push me away.
I have read the threads about midlife crisis stages, but I can't remember if these child and teenage personalities are present in every stage. I think they can be until they start to come out of MLC.
The funny part about what you said about being the oldest in the family is that we both are the oldest in our families. However, since my husband's mother got remarried and his stepfather already had one son and they went on to have 2 more boys, I think h had a lot more adjustments than I had. Of course, everyone reacts differently to life even when the situations are similar. Maybe I am stronger than I think I am. Right now I'm just tired of it going on and I lose patience in waiting and standing every now and then. I suppose that could be normal. There are times when I want to scream at h and tell him it's time to man up and come home and be responsible again. Of course, I know not to do that and I know the end of MLC isn't as easy as that. Oh, but do I wish it were! I mean come on, with all the new medications and cures to stuff out there, you would think someone would figure out something to make this MLC stuff shorter. Maybe acupuncture. LOL! Of course then all the MLC spouses would want to be the ones to stick the needles in them....so that forget that idea! Ha!
