Let me share something with you....When I first came here to the boards, I was about 2 steps away from suicide...I was still in the mindset of self-inflicting pain on myself by cutting over and over again until I could actually feel...I will breakdown my sitch for you...
Evicted - Yes I should have paid more attention to our monthly payments going out...Stupid me thinking he was paying the rent and the car payments... H walked away Car repossessed Kicked out of my brothers house (with 2 kids) Moved into my parents house - Still there Cut off financially Health and dental cancelled for me Kicked my oldest S out of the house - Now he wants back
For 15 months I have listened to that man tell me he still loves me, he isn't sure what he wants, he doesn't think he wants a D...As I was reminded yesterday - ACTIONS speak louder then words...
In between all this time, I worked on ME for ME...I fight each and every single day to not allow myself to fall into that pit of despair, and having bi-polar it is a fight for me because to give in would be oh so easy...Some days I fail and I will admit that...Some days I allow my mental health to take over and I wallow more times then I care to count...I hate the circumstances however the only one who can change that is ME...
I have fought my entire life and I refuse to lose...
I know exactly what it means to have your past thrown in your life...I live that every day - So what - You can choose to believe you are a Eff up or you can prove them wrong...
It took me a very long time before I believed I actually had all the control...
The email you posted from your W...That was her before...That is not the woman she is now...The quicker you realize that, the easier it will be for you... I had to have that reminder yesterday...
Now as for the suicide...This board - Saved me....The people here saved me...The man who stayed with me from the beginning saved me...He was here on your thread at the very beginning - Puppy...Here the day I decided to end it all...Stayed online with me after I had started cutting...I think I ended with 19 cuts before I started listening to him - Truly listening...We didn't see eye to eye in the beginning because I was stubborn...
You need to put aside your pride...Realize that the life you knew is no longer, however you can have a better one because of the circumstances
Trust me...This is no longer about her or you and her - This is all about you.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
