MLC or not?

[25yearsmlc]

they will push you unfortnately. But they need you like never before. At one point my then d10 said something like 'If dad loved us he'd be here now" and other times she'd say I was taking out my hurt feelings out on her. She had a point in both comments and I learned from those words, even if they were not totally on point or accurate. It's how she felt.

I told her the truth, and what was MOST important to HER, which was "I will do what I believe will be best for YOUR happiness in the long run" and I meant it. This mattered a lot to her. And you know it's possible a divorce could have been best for her, under some circumstances - but it didn't come to that, thankfully. If it had, I would have gone through with it--meaning, yes I would have divorced her dad, if I were convinced she'd be better off. Our interests are in alignment and as a mother, likely always will be.

I don't know if you get my meaning but the biggest reason I kept trying with my h was b/c of my d's. Not the M itself. And at some point, if my h had continued on in his MLC, or selfishness or whatever it was, I would not have been able to go on much longer nor would I want to. I would want to show myself and my d's that life does go on and that I am a capable woman, a good catch, who does not need a man to make me happy, let alone a man who would carry on badly for too long.

F.Scott Fitzgerald said something like "every man should be able to be an ass once in his life" and I sort of agree. But there comes a time when enough is enough. You must know that you have a line drawn somewhere, and that you really will be alright no matter what. And you must must must project that to your kids. Believe it or not, the irony is that once you actually DO this (not saying it, DOING it) and feel it (fake it til you make it) your kids will feel stronger...and IF THERE'S A CHANCE FOR YOUR M, IF THERE IS, then it's much more likely to happen with this approach. Hence my repeated comments about you GAL and having a PMA and not wallowing in despair.

Reassure your kids that you are NOT going anywhere even if they act out, they can test you all they want, but they're only making themselves miserable and right now, you could use some support FROM them...but again, you are there for them and you always will be. Try to reassure them WHILE also insisting that they make the best of the situation for THEMSELVES as well as for you. But try very very hard NOT to put the responsibility for YOUR happiness onto their shoulders. That's not fair to them and won't work anyhow. Plus, remember that you have to show them that they are in charge of their happiness by being in charge of yours.
Sadly it seems that your h is acting out a lot. They see this. Don't enable it. call it like it is and let the cards fall where they may. If I were you,
for now, I'd assume your old h is in the Australian bush and is not reachable and won't be for 2 years...so make the best of this time NOW...good luck,
j