I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

James ~

This

u keep blaming me, I.C., and everybody else is against u......but instead of trying to do something about what's going on.....

Speaks volumes.

that's the thing serenity. I have gone to I.C. once and had 2 phone sessions. Then I had to wait on the state to approve more sessions. In between that time I got a job and my I.C was out of the office for 3 weeks.

I was also seeing an I.C. through CPS but due to WAW signing away the rights to SD8 to paternal grandmother? I can no longer see that I.C.

WAW is supposed to be on antidepressants and IN OUTPATIENT THERAPY. That's part of the reason I got so stressed and sick in the first place from taking care of her while she was suicidal in mental facility for her breakdown and having seizures so I had to put everything I needed on hold to help her because she was pretty much on suicide watch and life or death status.

Now the tables are turned and I'm taking it up the anus

and alot of this is WAW fault. She would not listen to me about alot of things. It caused alot of problems.

Let me show you her before this.

THIS IS RIGHT AFTER SHE GOT OUT OF MENTAL FACILITY LAST YEAR. i went through pure hell for months.

Baby, I listened and heard everything you said this morning. I do want you. This morning when we made love it reminded me on how it was when we first got together. I do love you and care about you. I know I need to show you more. I am working on myself so I can. We have both been through a lot. I know I have made many bad judgments that have caused alot of problems in our relationship. I feel very, very, very guilty for what I have done to you as well as the children and the family. That's the main reason why I went to the hospital. I need major counseling.

Seneca, I want to thank God and you for being there for me as well as SD8. You have believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. And that has happened a lot lately. God gave u the strength to push me to go that extra mile when I feel that I couldn't. Baby, I am thankful.

I want to apologize for when you think I'm giving up on the relationship. I really don't. It's just when you express to me how you feel....in my head I assume you want to break up because each and everytime you bring up what I did wrong. It hurts me to hear you say that I wronged you and the family. It hurts me deeply......that's what causes me to give up. Deep down I feel with all the pain I caused you.....I feel you deserve someone who will treat you better. You say I'm capable of doing it but everytime I turn around of done something wrong. Have I done anything right, lately?

H, I love you. You are very attractive to me. I'm sorry I haven't been affectionate to you. (This is not an excuse)

Put yourself in my shoes. And the tables were turned. You would you be depressed.......or feeling down on yourself?

Well, baby I do.....and a lot of times that makes me sleepy and lowers my sex drive. It has nothing to do with you. I feel like a bump on a log. Also, it causes me to do some crazy things. 'Cause I have never bucked up to a man in my life. I know there is something wrong with me. I need serious help.

I want to also apologize because when u express urself.....alot of times I do take it as criticizing and I get totally defensive......I'm sorry.

When I was in the hospital the first night.....all I did was cry and I cried too the first day I was admitted. 'Cause then I realized how I hurt you, Ayanna, the boys, and your parents even myself.( I'm tearing up now just thinking about it)
I don't want you to think I had a swell time in there because I didn't.......I just used humor to soften the seriousness and the hurtfulness of the whole thing.

Baby, Between help from God, counseling, meds, support from u and the family i will be just fine.
I know i have change because i want to. I do want to. I just get so scared sometimes and things seem so overwhelming. I feel like I'm suffocating.

Baby, I want u to know that I am going to work on my actions on showing you I love you. This is the first step. I just pray to God that u will be patient. I want to be yours til the end of time.
I know this because both our hearts beat at the same time and I also notice sometimes we breathe at the same time. We complete each. I love you babe...........Write me back once you get this....please....

The Love of Your Life,
W