(((Aver)))) Thank you thank you thank you for the good thoughts & positive energy. That & my sisters got me through. Wow, what an ordeal.
I did just fine Fri. & Sat. - was in just do it mode - packing, loading, cleaning. And we had t-storms & hail, which was great fun. I wound up getting soaked several times.
But Sunday. Don't know what happened. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it's that I've been fighting some throat ear thing off. But Sun. was the worst day, though the weather was beautiful!
I know what it was. I think. I told you I'm a packrat. Well, I forgot about a drawer in our office. Filled w cards. BD cards. Annivesary cards. Valentines cards. Why oh why did I look at them. I did throw them away. BUT, I just had to read this one, which sent me over the edge. I just lost it.
I didn't want to take it w me, so I typed it in bb b/c I just wanted some proof. Proof that our M was happy once. That I didnt' just dream our M, b/c sometimes I feel like it all was.
The gist of it was (for our anniv.): "I love you so much more now than when we met, I can't fathom how much more I'll love you in 5, 10, 20 or 50 yrs. from now." And something about how proud he was of me as I had just gotten a new job. I think it was from about 10 yrs. ago. We were married 4 yrs. then.
Then, I still had to finish packing up. Ugghhh. My sister had left & I was alone. A recipe for disaster, I know. But I was stubborn about finishing the job. I did, but not after having a colossal meltdown. The sadness I felt was overwhelming. Haven't felt like that in months. A whole new level of pain.
So Aver, you are not the only one driving & crying. I did it all the time last yr. but was I ever doing it yesterday. I thought of you w your dishrag.
I am OK today, but I think this is just another stage in the process. I bought that book Flowmom recommended, Journey from Abandonment, but haven't started it yet. I wonder if there's a "moving out meltdown" stage in there....
So last night my body revolted on me & I got a full-blown earache, sore throat, nasty stuff everyone's getting now. I dragged into work this afternoon for a mtg., but am leaving in a few (it's just after 5).
I am hooking up my computer stat, so I can stay in touch. Feeling small & needy right now. When I read your posts from yesterday it gave me the lift I needed.
And, I took my ring off Friday. I love what you wrote. I just thought, now, & put it in a zippered bag to be moved. I think I'll buy myself a cute (inexpensive!) ring to wear - my hands feel so naked! Not for the same finger either.
Yes, time for LFA to GAL. Yoga - there's a great idea! I took it years ago & liked it. Going to look for a class now. I have plans for next Sat. with my sistas & some friends. Gonna keep focusing on that. Keep me accountable!
Thank you again, for being there. When I saw your posts I felt so much better! I hope you had a great weekend (any marathons? dates? escort guy or doc?
